


Sound of Silence

by They Call Me the Cavalry (BadassNinja)



Series: Prompts, Wonderful Idea and All Things Philinda [7]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-13
Updated: 2017-07-16
Packaged: 2018-05-26 10:17:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 32,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6234757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BadassNinja/pseuds/They%20Call%20Me%20the%20Cavalry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A slight Winter Soldier AU where Coulson and May are on a mission that goes south and May ends up falling to her death where Hydra recovers her body and turns her into the Winter Soldier 2.0. Coulson is distraught having to deal with his partner's death, only to have to deal with the return of his partner, but this time they're standing on different sides. Can he remind Melinda of who she is?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For my dear Anon who prompted me with May and Coulson on a a mission and almost falling from a bridge and May letting go and then Hydra taking her and brain washing her. I've kind of taken it and put my own spin on it so it's going to be a bit more Winter Soldier AU instead of a Deathlok because I think May would be unbelievably awesome as a take on the Winter Solider.

It was a simple mission, nothing should have gone wrong. A straight forward in and out. Some things you can’t control, and sometimes everything just goes wrong. No matter what you do, nothing can go right. Today was one of those days, and it cost Phil Coulson the thing that mattered most to him. Melinda May. 

* * *

The sound of gunfire was ringing through the trees as they ran, weaving and dodging, the sound of the pounding waterfall near them almost deafening combined with the loud sounds of gunfire..

“Bobbi, what’s your ETA?!” May called over the comms as she and Coulson ran trying to dodge the bullets of their pursuers hot on their heels.

“Ten minutes,” was the short reply. “Hang in there.”

Coulson panted, breathing heavily as they stopped briefly under the cover of some bushes, the spray of the waterfall cool on his brow. They were outnumbered and outgunned. There was no way they were going to win in a firefight, their only chance was evasion.

 Moving out again, they moved quickly but quietly, hoping to lose their pursuers. They both froze at the sound of heavy boots on the ground, staying low to avoid detection. May signalled Coulson to stay down as she moved forward to scout ahead. He waited with baited breath as she finally returned gesturing for him to follow. Footsteps were heard again, but they were too close to hide. Dashing forward May took the guy down with ease and then the enemy force was suddenly appearing from nowhere and everywhere. Joining his partner in the fray, Coulson and May fought back to back as they tried to hold off the enemy force.

 “Bobbi!” Coulson called as he fought desperately beside May.

His speech was quickly cut off as he witnessed his partner airborne, fly across the clearing towards the cliff’s edge.

“May!” He screamed as she lay on the ground. The enemy blocked him from her as he fought desperately to reach his partner. He saw as she fought back against a man twice her size, her movements slower than usual as she stumbled back. She was still trying to recover from her unexpected flight and she was probably concussed.

 Finally free from his attacker, Coulson ran to help his partner as she continued to block and retreat, stumbling backwards onto the rope bridge at the edge of the cliff. A solid punch to the guys spine and a couple of hits to the temple left him an unconscious heap on the ground at Coulson’s feet. May’s eyes widened as she felt the old wood of the bridge give way beneath her. Diving forwards he caught her left hand in his right, as he clung desperately to the rope remains of the bridge. The sound of the rushing water was nothing compared to the deafening sound of the bridge creaking and the rope swishing as they hung precariously, the rope so close to snapping as he desperately gripped its frayed end.

 “It won’t hold the both of us,” May called as she looked at him with a sort of sad resignation.

“No May! It will! I refuse to let us die today,” he called back. He couldn’t lose her.

“I’m sorry,” she said barely above a whisper but so clear to his ears.

 After that it all happened so quickly. Slipping a knife from her pocket she sliced the back of his hand, not enough to seriously injure, but enough to make him release his hold of her just the slightest. Her fingers slipped through his like the rushing water beneath them. A whisper dancing over his fingertips as her hand slipped from his, her body plummeting towards the pounding water of below, a sad smile gracing her features as she looked at him for the last time. There are worst ways to go she thought as she stopped fighting and allowed the water to rush over her body.

 He watched as she fell, slipping through his fingers. He called out after her, screaming her name and then just screaming as her body disappeared from his view, succumbing to the watery death sentence below. His mind didn’t register as the team arrived, pulling him up from the remains of the bridge, fighting him onto the plane as he remained hysterical, screaming and crying, refusing to leave the cliff’s edge. He couldn’t leave May, she was down there. She needed him, he couldn’t go. The had to get her. Melinda was down there. He couldn’t leave her. 

* * *

 

He wakes to pounding headache as he resurfaces to consciousness. He must have been taken out by an ICER he thinks, probably the team trying to subdue him. It all suddenly hits him like a truck as he almost falls out of his bed in his haste. Wasting no time he runs to Melinda’s room throwing the door open. The bed is made and the room is tidy. Rushing to the gym and then the kitchen, he finally ends up in the hallway outside his office as the reality hits him, he couldn’t find her. May is gone. Melinda is gone. She’s not here and she’s not coming back. She’s really gone.

Slamming the door of his office shut he stumbles towards his desk and sees her sitting on the edge of it, smiling at him with a scotch in her hands. All he can hear is the shuddery sounds of his breathing and the silence. Melinda always did like the silence. He cries then. For her, for them, for what could have been. He misses her and he just knows that everything is going to remind him of her. He sees the desk that she had claimed as hers sitting near the window, some paperwork piled on top of it. She always did hate paperwork. Angry and sad tears track down his face as he thinks about it all. Why did she have to be so self sacrificing? Why did it have to be her and not him? 

The silence of the room surrounds him, almost as if it were wrapping him in a bitter sweet hug. Melinda always was his silence. He stands, encased in his own torment as the silence hugs him, like a last hug from Melinda. A last wish, as his heart beats to the sound of silence.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was largely inspired by the song Sound of Silence sung by Dami Im. It's her eurovision song for this year and I fell in love with it.  
> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two months on from that fateful day, things are starting to move along slowly. Phil deals with the loss of his partner and the other team members try to help him through it.

Her eyes snap open as she takes in her surroundings.  
Bright lights are blinding her from above as she struggles against the restraints strapping her to the table. She lets out a grunt as the cuffs bite into her skin at the movements, the air surrounding her is cold. The sound of footsteps has her head turning  
as a man approaches. He looks down at her with a cold sort of detachment.  
“Prepare her,” he says to the other people who have suddenly filtered into the room. 

* * *

“I brought you breakfast,” Daisy said as she placed a pastry and a cup of coffee on his desk. She looked at him worriedly as he refused to look up from his paperwork.  
“Thanks,” he muttered offhandedly, continuing to work.  
Watching him sadly, she felt helpless. She didn’t know how to help him, she didn’t know what to do. May had been gone for two months now and Coulson was still a desolate wreck. She leaves him alone to continue his work but the worry in the pit of her stomach doesn't ease. He hardly eats, and by the looks of it he barely sleeps too. More often than not he is holed up in his office, sometimes he is just sitting in Lola. He hardly ever goes out now. The last time had been May’s funeral, and before that seeing her parents.  
  
Breaking the news of May’s death to her parents had been one of the hardest things he had ever done. Handing over the box with her things, he witnessed the brokenness of Melinda’s father. He’d never seen a man look so broken before, until he later looked in the mirror. Her mother had presented a stoic front, but like her daughter her eyes gave her away. Her eyes had the slightest glisten to them as her lips thinned into a firm line, the expression was so ‘Melinda’ that he almost fell apart then and there. Almost.  
  
He opens the top draw of his desk and stares at the pair of aviators that sit there. The dark lenses reflect his gaunt looking face in the light and he feels like crying. Picking up the sunglasses he holds them carefully. He doesn't want to break them, it would be like breaking her memory. Her aviators were part of her signature look, along with her leather jacket and high heeled boots. He can see her in his mind flying the plane with a calm expression on her face, aviators covering her mesmerising brown eyes, sunlight making her dark hair glow amber. People often mistook her hair for black, but it was actually a very dark brown. He loved how it would change shades in the sun.  
  
He is jolted back into reality by Bobbi's voice calling him.  
"Sir we have a hit on Hydra, apparently one of their secret bases was overlooked when S.H.I.E.L.D exposed them. It's recently become active again," she looked at him expectantly waiting for a response. A directive of some sort, some order to follow, a plan to enact.  
"Do you have a map of the facility? Layout and estimated force? What sort of activity?" He questioned assuming his 'director mode'.  
"We have a map of the facility and it has an estimated force of fifty or so men, it's only been active for a couple of months but it hasn't raised any suspicions until now when they began importing metals and arms and racked up an inordinate electricity bill. Whatever they're doing it can't be good."  
"Prep a team for intel gathering, simple in and out. Have Daisy hack their systems too, see what they're up to."  
"Yes sir," Bobbi nodded before turning and leaving the room to prepare a team. She was glad that Coulson was still somewhat himself with May gone. None of them were sure how he would handle the directorship with the loss of his partner. May was practically Coulson’s right hand and her death had hit him the hardest. He'd been a shell of himself ever since and this was the first real sign that the old Coulson was still in there. He was still a capable leader, able to plan missions and run the base, but he'd just lost something. His feeling, he was empty. Everything he did, he did but without emotion. It was like just performing an action but with no conviction. 

* * *

The quinjet tore across the sky as heavy gunfire rang after it. Their mission that was supposed to have been a simple in and out had gone south. Their presence had been noticed and they'd had to do an emergency extraction. Someone had known they were coming, it has been a trap. Bobbi glanced back at the others from her spot in the pilot's seat. Daisy was pressing a bandage to a wound in her side, grazed by a bullet. They were lucky that that was about the extent of their wounds for the mission, everyone else had escaped relatively unharmed. She couldn't shake the feeling that the whole set up had been planned. It was as if Hydra had wanted them to come.  
  
"It was a trap Sir," Bobbi reported as she stood in front of Coulson's desk. "They knew we were coming and we didn't get any intel unless Daisy gets anything on them from hacking their systems."  
He sighed rubbing his hands over his face. It felt like his whole life was turning to shit. Why couldn't Hydra just give them one moment of peace? Was that too much to ask?  
"Any injuries? What's the damage?" He asked pulling himself together.  
"Daisy was grazed by a bullet and we've got some minor damage to the quinjet but nothing that can't be fixed. Daisy's been patched up and will be fine with some rest."  
He nodded along, May would be so mad if someone hurt her protégé. Sucking in a deep breath he tried to focus on Bobbi's words and not May.  
"So essentially we got nothing?" He confirmed looking at Bobbi who had a displeased expression on her face.  
"Basically," she affirmed, "but sir, something felt off about that mission. There was something that we didn't see, something we're missing."  
"I'm sure we'll find out soon enough," he sighed, "we always do."  
She smiled grimly at him, that was exactly what she was dreading.

* * *

"Sir they came to invade the base," the soldier reported to the elderly man behind the desk.  
"Did they find anything?" The man asked.  
"No, our troops prevented them."  
"Good," he replied turning back to his work.  
Dismissed the soldier turned and left, pausing only slightly as the sound of muffled screaming erupted from a door to his left. The glass panel of the door was obscured slightly, hindering his vision. His clearance level didn't allow him access but that didn't stop him from prying. The base's latest project was a big one, one that involved all hands on deck. The screaming died down for a moment before starting up again. He could see blurred figures moving back and forth across the lab, bustling about the chair centered on the middle of the room. All he could make out was a blurred figure strapped writhing the chair, metal cuffs containing their struggling form. The screaming had stopped again as he observed the glint of metal under the strong lights. It caught his eye as he watched one of the technicians working on the subject, sparks flying as he worked. A hissed command over comms had him hurriedly moving away from the door and towards the assembly point. He didn't know what it was they were working on in that room exactly, only that it was part of their latest project. It was all extremely classified what went on in there, and only top ranking members were allowed in there. Whatever it was he knew it was going to be great. Hail Hydra.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're reading this you made it to the end! Congratulations! Thank you for reading and please just take an extra moment to leave a comment, it only takes two seconds and it makes my day ^_^  
> Feel free to prompt me or message me if you just wanna fangirl about AoS my tumblr account is @hardcore-evil-regal


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Phil needs to grieve before he lets go. Memories can be beautiful but painful things.

_Pain_ . It's radiating throughout her whole body. All she can feel is pain. _I want to feel your pain._ Almost as quickly as the memory comes it fades. She tries to focus her mind, think of anything other than the pain. She can hear muffled screaming, she's not sure where it's coming from before she realises that it's her. She can't move. Not really. Her body is held tight, immobile, by the metal cuffs that encircle her wrists, legs and chest. _Pain_. It feels as if someone is stabbing a red hot skewer through her brain. Her eyes are watering, and her teeth ache from biting into the guard so hard. The electricity jolts through her body and sends her body arching, pulling, fighting against the restraints that surround it.

“Stop fighting it,” a voice commands.

She can barely register what the voice says, let alone follow orders right now.

“Stop fighting it!” They say this time more forcefully.

The pain intensifies and she can feel her body trembling. Her head feels as if it is about to split any moment now and she can see black spots begin to dance in her vision. She's blacking out, she can feel it.

“Stop fighting it,” the voice says again, and this time she listens.

She loses consciousness, unable to keep up the fight.

* * *

 

He sighed heavily as he watched his agents returning from yet another retrieval op. Several of them were limping or had wounds that needed attending to. This was becoming a much more common occurrence now, what with the ever increasing number of inhumans arising and May gone. Daisy looked up at him as she exited the plane, he was leaning against the railing of the platforms raised up surrounding the hangar. She nodded  up at him as he continued to watch his agents shuffle through the door. They were beginning to be outnumbered and outmatched these days. Every new inhuman, every new threat. It was pushing their limits and testing their response. There was only so much that Fitz and Simmons could do to design new tech and try to understand the way that the new biology of the inhumans worked. Honestly, it was exhausting, for him and everyone on the team. It was moments like these that he really missed Melinda the most.

When things got tough and the work load got heavier, he could always rely on his partner to be there to help him, to ease the load. He missed having a confidante, someone that he could talk honestly with about whatever he needed to, someone who would hold no judgement. That was one of the great things about his relationship with Melinda, he could talk to her about anything and everything and she wouldn't judge him. She wouldn’t think that he was a bad person or condemn him, she was actually extremely understanding and more forgiving than people gave her credit for. Sure she could hold an impressive grudge if she wanted to, but with him she’d never resented him for anything that he did. At times he felt that she should have, he’d done so many things wrong by her, yet she’d always found it in her heart to forgive him and give them another chance. He’d taken her for granted all the time that she’d been by his side, asking all that she was willing to give. The truth was that she’d give everything to him, to the cause, to SHIELD. That’s just the way she was. Being a martyr was never in her nature, not really, she didn’t do it to be an example, she didn’t do it for the glory or the honours. She did it because she was Melinda, because in everything she did she gave her all, and now she’s finally paid the price.

They’d talked about the possible ways that they could go. He found out sooner than he’d planned, not that it was like anything that he’d imagined. He’d always hoped that he’d go peacefully, an old man in his sleep, a retired SHIELD agent. A bland and ordinary death. Melinda had always been much more realistic in her ideas. She’d come up with a number of different scenarios, but they had always been set in the field. It came with the job really, agents in the field eventually ran out of luck, not many ever made it to retirement age, at least not unscarred. Melinda used to say that luck was for people without talent. Her actual death had never been one of her imagined scenarios, there had been hostage situations, plane crashes, fatal gunshot wounds and fires, but never had plummeting from a bridge to save his life ever been one of her death scenarios. He supposes it’s a heroic death, honourable and brave, but he doesn’t want her to be heroic, he doesn’t want her to be honourable, he doesn’t want her to be brave. He just wants her to be here, alive, next to him.

Tears rise to his eyes as he dwells on the past. He sniffs and tries to focus on his surroundings, not what is going on inside of his mind. Melinda would tease him and call him a sap if she caught him crying over nothing. A small sad smile flits across his face as he sees her bright, playful smile in his mind. The world had taken so much from that beautiful woman. He remembers her carefree younger self, eager to get out into the field and experience life as an agent. Her proud and ecstatic grin on the day of their graduation from the academy. Her excitement and then disappointment over their first mission. The sight of an absolutely soaked Melinda sulking because he left her in the bay for so long is one of his fondest memories. Back then, new and fresh faced junior agents, everything had been a constant adventure. True there are still plenty of adventures now, but back then they had not been tainted by the world, marred by the truth. The world had stolen away a part that was the girl Melinda, and left behind a woman scarred by life and her experiences from it. A woman so torn and cut up inside  she lost a part of herself, and never really healed.

Losing Melinda the first time after Bahrain was one of the loneliest periods of his life. She had always been the something or the _someone_ who had always made his day that bit brighter, his life just that bit more special. Calling her his best friend didn't even begin to describe their relationship. They were life partners, they shared a bond more intimate than anything he'd ever known. He tried so hard, he'd been there for her, he'd done whatever he could for her, but she'd shut him out. It wasn't just him, it was everyone. She thought she was protecting everyone else from herself, she didn't think she was worthy of their affection. Always so goddamn self sacrificing he thinks. Why did she have to be like that? Why couldn't she have just been selfish for once?

He wishes for a lot of things. He wishes she could have learnt to put herself first for once. He wishes she knew the value of her life and how irreplaceable she is to SHIELD, to him. He wishes she didn't have to be so damn perfect. She always thought she was damaged, what after Bahrain, but he'd never thought anyone more perfect than Melinda May. He wishes he didn't have to do this all alone without her. But most of all he wishes that she didn't die. He wishes that she is still here with him today, by his side. He wishes that he could tell her everything, how perfect she is and how much she means to him. He wishes he could have just one more moment with her, but then he would wish that she never leave.

The truth is he just wants her back. He misses her so much, but wishing isn't going to do anything, wishing for something will never achieve anything. Wishing for her to come back isn't going to change anything. She will still be dead, with an empty grave, and he will have to adapt and get used to it, move on with life. It's been almost four months now, he needs to accept it and move on. Melinda would want him to do that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, sorry not sorry for the ton of angst that was that chapter. Not gonna lie, I actually cried a bit when I wrote that, I just had a lot of feels. Hopefully you enjoyed that. Please leave a comment :)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson is troubled, haunted by memories.

People bustled everywhere, their chatter loud but indistinct. He snapped a shot of their target on his phone before pulling back and surveying the area.

“Target aquired,” he relayed back through the comms.

“Great job AC,” Daisy replied furiously typing away back in Zephyr One. “Anything out of the ordinary down there with you?”

“Everything seems pretty legit, but I’m gonna tail him,” Coulson responded moving from his position to follow their target.

“Ok, let us know if you find anything,” Daisy said before they clicked off comms.

He followed their target at a relaxed pace, his body language communicating ease and calm. His target moved weaving between street vendors, as Phil moved along at a casual stroll playing the part of the happy tourist. He paused briefly every now and then, stopping to look at items on display in the stalls decorating the street, maintaining his cover as he also kept an eye on the target. He snapped a few shots with his camera in the direction of the target, looking inconspicuous and just like any typically curious tourist. As the target paused he stopped to check the few shots he had taken, as the target began moving again, he looked up from his camera continuing after him. A woman in a dark leather jacket bumped into him, knocking him slightly to the side. He stood there stunned as he saw her moving further away in the sea of people, her dark hair fluttering in the breeze.

“May?” He asked softly under his breath, turning around to follow where she’d disappeared to.

Taking off after her, all thoughts of their target he was supposed to be tailing fled from his mind. There was only one thing he could think of right now, and that was catching up with May. He raced after her, dodging through people and straining his neck to see her. She paused briefly, but it was just enough time to allow him to catch up.

“May!” He called as he finally caught up to her, touching her arm to stop her.

The woman looked up at him with a confused expression.

“Sorry, I thought you were someone else,” he said forlornly releasing his hold of the stranger’s arm as he realised that she wasn’t his May. His heart deflated as his hopeful expression fell.

She gave him a small understanding smile, before moving on. He watched the woman leave, cursing himself inwardly. His mind had jumped to impossible conclusions in a split second. How could he have thought that that woman was May? May was dead. He mustn’t be as over his grief as he had thought perhaps. It  was making him a liability.

“Coulson?” Daisy called for him over comms. “Coulson! Coulson! Answer me Coulson!” She began to become frantic at his lack of response.

“Yeah,” he managed to croak out, pushing down the rising grief in his chest. He could not break down now.

“What’s happening Coulson? Where’s the target?”

_Shit._

“Shit,” he verbalized his thoughts. “I’m returning to base,” is all he supplied as he made his way through the crowd and back to their rendezvous point. There was no point in him trying to go after their target now, he was probably long gone by now.

 

“Coulson? What happened?” Daisy bombarded him with questions as he returned to the base. She followed him as he exited the hanger, almost ghosting him.

“What happened out there?” She asked again as they made it into his office. “We just lost you out there.”

He sighed deeply as he sat heavily into his chair, slouching slightly in an ungraceful position. He looked like the epitome of defeat.

“I- I thought I saw something out there,” he admitted, resting his head in his hands digging the heel of his palm into eyes.

“What did you see?” She asked leaning forwards over one of the chairs placed in front of his desk.

“It's stupid now,” he sighed, reluctant to talk about what had happened.

“Coulson, I don't want to seem disrespectful sir, but if something is distracting you and interfering with the mission, you should tell us.”

She was right he thought tiredly rubbing at his eyes. It wasn't fair on the team.

“I thought I saw May,” he said straight off the bat. Best to just get it out he thought. Melinda never had problems with being direct.

Daisy fell quiet, shocked at his statement, her mouth forming an ‘O’ shape.

“Yeah,” he said shaking his head, it obviously sounded as crazy as he thought it was.

“Coulson, I-”

“It's fine,” he cut her off. “I'll deal with my own issues and get things sorted. For now you just focus on managing the missions with the others. We need all hands on deck.”

“But sir I could-”

“It's fine really,” he reassured her looking at her meaningfully. It probably lost its effect though due to the tired bags underneath his eyes and the almost permanent frown marring his brow.

“Well, if you need anything or just someone to talk to… You know where to find me,” Daisy gave him a brief sad smile before leaving his office. She wanted to help him, but she couldn't if he wouldn't let her.

 

“Oh god Mel,” he mumbled to himself finally alone in his office after Daisy’s departure. “What am I supposed to do?”

He rested his head on his desk squeezing his eyes shut tightly. No matter how hard he tried to move on, she was still there, constantly reminding him of her.  Whether he just walked past a sunglasses stand with aviators just like hers, or seeing a beautiful motorcycle sitting in a parking lot. Even flying reminds him of her, it's so hard. How can people expect him to just move on, to get over it, when everything reminds him of her?

* * *

 

“Phil!” She screams as she falls from the bridge. Her fingers slip from his grasp and send her plummeting to the rushing water beneath them.

“NO!” He cries as he watches her fall. Her body disappears beneath the dangerous waters, nothing but a rise of bubbles amongst the froth of the churning waters.

 

He's stumbling through the trees, trying to find her. He can't lose her again, not again.

The water is closer now and he runs towards the sound of it. It's rushing so quickly, tree branches are snagging on hidden rocks beneath the surface as they're swept along. Suddenly he sees her. She’s down by the side of the water as it rushes over her legs still partially in the dangerous stream. With dark wet hair plastered to her forehead, she looks awfully pale.

“MEL!” He calls as he runs to her side.

There is mud all over his shoes and his trousers but he doesn't care.

“Stay with me Mel,” he orders as he presses a finger to her pulse. It's faint, barely there.

She tries to move and an agonized scream is torn from her lips, tears rolling down her already wet cheeks.

“Don't move,” he says as he takes in the horrifying angle of her left arm. It's twisted in a way that seems excruciating and he thinks he can see some bone poking through. There is blood tinging the water red as it flows past them. She's bleeding but he can't find where. He doesn't want to touch her for fear of making the situation worse but there is nothing he can do. She's barely breathing now and he can't see her chest rise and fall.

“Mel?!” He calls feeling for her pulse again and holding her right hand. “Don't you dare leave me!” He says as he frantically tries to feel for her pulse. “You can't leave me Mel!” He's almost shouting now. He can't face losing his best friend, his partner. She's too important to him, she's the centre of his world. He can't lose her.

“Coulson,” Daisy calls but he refuses to acknowledge her. Can't she see that May is dead. She's gone, just like that. He never even got to say a proper goodbye. He never got to tell her how he truly felt.

“Coulson!” Daisy calls again though this time more insistent.

No! He thinks. He will not be torn from May's side, loyal to the end. Partners for life.

“COULSON!” Daisy calls shaking him.

He startles awake, head rocketing up from his desk. Taking in his surroundings he notices that he's in his office. He fell asleep at his desk again he realises.

“What is it?” He asks finally turning to respond to her.

“I think we've got another hit on Hydra.”

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... that was angsty. I was hoping to update sooner but school's been really busy and holidays haven't made it any easier. Maybe we'll get to see May soon *wink wink*... Please leave a comment and let me know your thoughts and Pheels. Hearing from you guys makes my world brighter :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> HYDRA

“Alright everyone, here is our new mission,” Coulson stated as they all gathered in the meeting hall. “Daisy is going to be running point on this mission, so I’m going to let her give you the rundown on what’s happening.”

Daisy stepped up flashing a quick smile at the director. 

“Ok guys, so we've been tracking Mr Adam Helster recently,” she gestured to the screen where a picture of the man Coulson followed yesterday appeared. “Helster here has been a bad man and is funding Hydra and their projects. Operation  _ Blackstar _ seems to be what is using a large amount of their funds at the moment. We're not sure what exactly Operation Blackstar is, which is why we are going to be re-infiltrating their base and finding out.”

Everyone in the room listened with grim expressions. Hydra was supposed to be finished when they crushed them the first time, there were just so many damn heads, it was getting annoying.

“This time we will find out what Hydra is up to,” Daisy said passionately as the others nodded along. “We leave in an hour so everyone go prep.”

All the agents dispersed after their dismissal, going to collect gear and prepare for the mission. With Hydra it was impossible to ever be fully prepared. 

* * *

“Bobbi, how’s it going down there?” Daisy asked over comms as her fingers flew over the touchscreen of the table as she hacked into Hydra’s security feed.

“One sec,” Bobbi replied as she took down a Hydra guard with a few strategic strikes. “I’m in,” she confirmed twirling her batons as she surveyed the area. She was in a white hallway with different hallways shooting off from it. There were some closed doors along the way, but everything was white. It was almost painfully bright on her eyes.

“What do you see Bobbi? Tell me what’s happening?” Daisy called as she finally connected herself with Hydra’s security feed. “Alright, I’ve got them on a loop so they won’t see you coming. Not that they ever see you coming anyway,” she mused to herself.

“Daisy, tell me what’s happening,” Coulson’s face showed up on her screen.

“Hi Sir, Bobbi’s just infiltrated the base and I’ve looped the security feed. We’re just waiting for Bobbi’s call now,” she informed him as he nodded along on screen.

“Great, keep me updated as the mission goes on. I just get the feeling that this is really important.”

“Will do,” she affirmed before he disappeared from her screen.

“Daisy?” Bobbi asked as she looked through the room she was in.

“Yeah,” Daisy replied as her fingers flew trying to hack into Hydra’s computer system. Their security feed was a piece of cake, but their data base... That was a different story. “Have you found any computers?” Daisy asked over comms.

“No, no sign of any,” Bobbi responded. “But I know why now,” she said gravely.

“Uh what did you do Bobbi?” Daisy asked as she began frantically tapping on her screen. “I think you’ve set off some sort of an alarm.”

“How long have I got?” She asked as she began to quickly dash about the room looking for intel.

“Two minutes, tops,” Daisy answered as her fingers madly typed and swiped to try and shut off the alarms and buy Bobbi some more time.

“Alright,” Bobbi said as she grabbed what intel she could find, and rushed to get out. 

Several guards met her as she exited the room, but with a few hits from her batons they went down and she continued on. 

“Daisy, how many guards coming my way?” she asked, senses on high alert as she moved swiftly and quietly.

“Four,” Daisy counted as she looked at her screen. “Theres two coming on the corridor to your left, one off the right and one from up ahead.”

“Alright,” Bobbi sighed, a determined expression settling on her face as the first man appeared.

* * *

“Sir, they’ve entered the archives,” the young soldier reported to his commanding officer.

His commanding officer turned around slowly taking a few deliberate steps towards him before stopping. He could see the greys in his commanders hair and the harsh lines indented on his face. The frown imbedded on his face was threatening in a subtle manner, he was an unpredictable man, one surely not to be trifled with. He seemed to stare at him for what felt like an eternity before uttering the words that sent both a chill and a thrill down the young soldier’s spine.

“Employ the asset.”

* * *

 

“I’m just going to get a some tea,” Fitz turned to Simmons who was working on a bench across from him. “Would you like anything?” He asked as she looked up at him through her goggles.

“That would be lovely thanks Fitz,” she smiled at him sweetly making him smile too. “I’ll have a tea too.”

“Alright, I’ll just be a minute,” he smiled again as he headed out the door.

He felt a bit like a fool smiling to himself as he made his way to the kitchen. It was just a cup of tea really, but to him it meant more than that. A year ago today he and Jemma hadn’t even been on talking terms really. It was amazing what could happen in a year.

“Oh, what the hell!” He exclaimed as he tried to turn the kettle on but it wouldn’t boil.

Glancing at the oven clock, he noticed that it was blank. Suddenly the lights flickered and the whole base was thrown into darkness. 

“What the-”

“Fitz!” Coulson called as he burst into the kitchen. The red lights flashing around the base created an ominous atmosphere. It reminded Fitz of the time on the Bus when they’d all been one big happy team and had that ghost on the plane that wrecked their systems.

“Sir?” He asked placing his mug down on the counter. “What’s going on?”

“Something’s cut our power,” the director answered with an intense expression on his face. “Can you try and get us connected again?”

“Yeah yeah, of course,” Fitz answered moving with Coulson towards the door. “Have you seen Simmons?” He questioned worried about his partner.

“Simmons is fine,” Coulson answered as they made their way briskly down the hall. “She’s in the lab.”

Leo let out a breath he hadn’t realised he’d been holding. Coulson seemed to sense his worry and placed a hand on his shoulder. The only sound they could hear was their own feet as they strode down the hall past the sleeping quarters.

“If you just give me a minute Sir I can take a look at the systems and-”

An explosion went off behind them sending both men flying forwards and hitting the ground as debris from the wall rained down around them and upon them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YAY!! A new chapter!! And some Fitzsimmons too, aww. I'll try not to prolong your pain any longer, comments are always welcome and appreciated so please type away in that little box below :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post explosion, of course there will be a sizable mess to deal with. The team digs for some answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I saw Civil War last week and now I have lots of inspiration. Next chapter will have a lot of Civil War related content, in relation to our dear May that is *wink wink*. Enjoy :)

Groaning they rolled over, dislodging the debris and dust that covered them.

“You okay?” Coulson asked him as they both coughed clearing the dust from their air passages.

“Yeah, you?” Fitz asked as he crawled up onto his knees pushing the debris away from him and clearing the dust from his face.

“Yeah,” Coulson said roughly as he rose slowly to his feet.

“What even was that?” Fitz asked looking back behind them from where the explosion had started.

“I dunno, maybe a small bomb,” Coulson said before Simmons ran in with a scared expression.

“Are you alright?” She asked both of them as she looked them over with her eyes. “We need to get you to medical right away,” she instructed moving them towards the med bay.

“I’m fine Jemma,” Fitz reassured her as she worried over both he and Coulson. “I’m fine, honestly,” he stated as she continued to fuss over him. “Tell her I’m fine Sir,” Fitz turned to Coulson who was walking on the other side of Simmons. 

“He’ll be fine Jemma,” Coulson said with a small sad little smile. He knew only too well what it was like to worry for your partner that had been hurt in the field.

* * *

 

“Oh my gosh! What happened here?” Daisy exclaimed as the saw the damage caused by the explosion in the base.

“I hope everyone’s alright,” Bobbi said as they rushed quickly to find the others.

Most of them were in the medbay and by the looks of it, it looked like Coulson and Fitz had been caught in the explosion.

“What happened Sir?” Bobbi asked as they approached.

“A small bomb went off we think but we’ll have to look further into it. What I want to know is how the hell that even managed to happen!”

He was mad, that one thing was for sure. He also had a very valid point, how on earth did someone manage to infiltrate their highly top secret base? Their whole security and alarm system had been set up by Daisy, specifically so that no one would be able to bypass it. It was like the Fort Knox of security systems. But somehow, someone had managed to get through. The only ones who really had any idea of how to bypass it would be his team.

“Daisy,” he turned to the young woman “I want you to bring up our security feed and see if you can find anything. Nobody touch the wreckage until we find out what caused it.”

His agents all nodded as they set about to try and do what they could to find out the cause of the explosion.

* * *

 

“Let’s see what secrets you may be holding,” Daisy said to herself as she pulled up the bases security feeds on her computer.

She watched as people bustled about corridors on screen going about their business. There wasn’t really much to see she thought, it looked like a dead end. A brief flicker in the footage of the camera just outside where the blast had occurred had her sitting up straighter in her seat. That was odd. She enlarged the screen and watched closely, their was a brief flicker of movement in the edge of the screen before the footage flickered once again. She let the footage run for a while longer, and two minutes later it flickered again, moments later Coulson and Fitz appeared and the explosion went off. Someone had tampered with the security camera, they must have put it on a loop for those two minutes. How they managed to do it though was the big question, she’d made it specifically to make tampering almost practically impossible or at least extremely difficult. This clearly wasn’t the work of some amateur, this was a pro.

* * *

 

“So someone tampered with our security footage,” Coulson said as they all looked at the evidence Daisy had uncovered.

“Yeah, but we don’t get much on the person that did it. They were a pro by what I can see, knew exactly what they were doing and we got barely anything on them. That brief shadowing there,” Daisy pointed to the edge of the screen as she paused it. “That’s our guy. I don’t know how they did it but they did. This system’s supposed to be almost impossible to tamper with.”

Coulson nodded his head in thought as he mulled over their new information.

“But we still don’t know how they got in?” He asked. It was what was really bugging him. Someone out there had managed to infiltrate his base. Any one of his team could have been killed. He couldn’t afford to lose any more of them.

“Did you find anything in the wreckage?” He turned to Fitz who looked a little helpless.

“There wasn’t anything that could provide us with any leads,” the younger man said as he drew up some of the photos he took of the damage. “It was a small explosive seeing as though the damage isn’t extreme but other than that there’s not much to tell.”

“Right,” he turned to Bobbi “did you get anything on the mission?”

“Yes we did,” she answered picking up a file.

“Finally some good news,” Coulson muttered to himself.

“The reason why Daisy couldn’t hack their data bases is because all their files were hard copies,” she said holding up the file in her hand.

“Just like at Cybertek,” Daisy added to which her teammates nodded.

“While I was there,” Bobbi continued handing the file over to Coulson, “I didn’t manage to get a lot, but I did get some intel. This is all I could get,” she nodded to the file now in his hands. “I think some parts of it are missing but it’s more than what we had before.”

He nodded his head, grateful for what they did manage to acquire. A strong feeling of dread seemed to have settled in the pit of his stomach as he looked at the bold black words stamped on the front of the file.  _ Operation Blackstar _ . The others in the room were watching, waiting for him to open it. See what dark secrets that file held. He flipped the file open and looked at the first piece of paper. 

_ Subject: Female.  _

_ Height: 5’6”.  _

_ Physical State: Loss of left arm. Significant blood loss _

_ Corrections: Emergency amputation of left arm due to sustained injuries. Full prosthetic of left arm. _

_ Programming: Full conditioning. _

_ Complications: Willingness to comply. _

_ Estimated Date of Completion: Early May. _

He sucked in a breath as he read what the words said. It looked like it was a brainwashing program.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, another chapter. Next update will be next week hopefully Wednesday! I hope you are all enjoying the story, please leave a comment and let me know what you thought. Comments are like Philinda kisses, and as there are no Philinda kisses on record I need all the comments I can get, so please make me a very happy fangirl?


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little more on May and some story from her POV. Also Phil tries to find some answers but something just feels off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note that all the words in italics are spoken in Russian. I watched Civil War when it came out so I have a lot of inspiration at the moment, and I've channeled some of my new found knowledge into the story.

_ “23.” _

The electric pulsing in her head is burning as she fights her restraints. The once cool metal band encircling her, now warm to the touch and slick with sweat.

_ “Lighter. 17.” _

She fights the urge that the words bring up. Her rebellious, stubborn nature rising to the surface as she hears the Russian commands, conflicting with her conditioning. She will not comply though!

_ “Night. Red.” _

Her inner resolve is beginning to crumble as she tires in both body and mind. The physical pain is overwhelming and her mind is struggling to stay clear. She won’t comply though.

_ “Smoke. 12. Periphery.” _

Her chest is heaving as her lungs cry for oxygen. She tries to choke more oxygen down around the guard in her mouth. Her eyes are beginning to water as she fights. Fights the pain. Fights their words. Fights herself. She won’t comply.

_ “Bridge.” _

It feels like an iron curtain has descended over her mind. She feels heavy and purposeful, the pain doesn’t bother her anymore. She likes the pain.

_ “Soldier?” _

_ “Ready to comply,”  _ she answers looking straight ahead.

* * *

 

He watched on with a frown, arms crossed in front of his chest. Moving the rubble from the halls was a tedious task which needed to be undertaken carefully.

“It looks like the blast originated in- in May’s room Sir,” Fitz said as he approached with a tablet in hand, a little wary of mentioning May in Coulson’s presence.

Coulson’s reaction was actually the exact opposite of what he had been expecting. He didn’t react, at all. Standing there like a statue it was beginning to unnerve Fitz who nervously shuffled the tablet from hand to hand.

“Sir?” He asked unsure of how to deal with the Director.

“Yeah, yeah,” Coulson raised a hand as he continued to stare at the bomb site that once was May’s room.

“Uh, I’ll just uh, I’m just going to-” Fitz’s voice dwindled down as he edged away from the Coulson to direct the other agents that were sorting out the mess.

Phil felt like he was in mild shock. May’s room? Why of all the places on the base would they place the bomb in May’s room? It didn’t make any sense. If the intruder had wanted to cause serious damage and casualties, they should have place it in the lab or even the med bay. It was an odd place to set off a bomb, no one would have really been in their rooms during the day, so what was their purpose? The conundrum was bothering him, the whole mystery of the situation was bothering him. They still hadn’t caught the intruder, another thing that was bothering him. Only a true genius could have managed to break through their defenses, or someone on the inside. He didn’t think anyone on the team would betray them though. They were a close knit group, almost like a small and oddly mixed family. He wished not for the first time that May was with him. She always helped him to clear his mind and see what was staring him right in the face. If she was here now they probably would have already sorted out this whole mess and tracked down the intruder. May always knew how to get the job done.

When they finally finish up and all turn in for the night it's past midnight. New sleeping arrangements had to be made for those whose rooms were damaged in the blast. Luckily only a few of them needed a new room and they had a couple of spare ones. He's sitting in his office watching and rewatching the security footage of the base that day. He can't let it go. There's something he's missing. Absentmindedly he traces his fingers over his old carvings etched into his desk. A constant reminder of how close he came to dying a second time, how close he became to losing himself. He'd had Melinda then to steady him, remind him of who he was and keep him grounded. His eyes are beginning to ache from staring at the screen for too long. Reaching for his mug he goes to take a sip of his coffee only to find that's it's gone cold and tastes disgusting, so he spits it back into the cup. Shuddering he tries to get the foul taste out his mouth and chomps on a mint. Glancing at the clock tells him that it's almost two in the morning and he thinks that maybe he should to try and get at least a couple of hours of sleep. He sees a flicker of movement on the screen that he hadn't noticed before and pauses the footage, rewinding back a few seconds. Watching carefully and suddenly much more alert he sees the blur across the screen, just for a fraction of a second. How he had not noticed it before he questions himself. He slows down the footage til it goes frame by frame. He’s staring at the paused footage, eyes glued to the figure on screen. As he zooms in he can see that the intruder is dressed in all black, making them appear almost as if they are a shadow.  Their form is small and there is a mask covering their face from the nose down, dark glasses covering their eyes. A sense of familiarity rise in him, like he knows who it is. He tries to grasp on to the feeling and channel it into uncovering the identity of their intruder but the answer still eludes him.

* * *

 

_ “Mission report.” _

It’s not a question, it’s a command.

Words tumble from her lips as her mind complies, a concise report on her mission given in flawless Russian.

_ “May, fourth, United States. Mission complete, intel extracted.” _

_ “Complications?”  _ Her handlers asks pen poised over paper.

She raises her eyes to look at him, dark orbs empty and lifeless.

_ “No complications,”  _ she states as he writes something down.

He looks at her calculatingly before scribbling something else on the paper. Walking over to the technicians he whispers a few orders before leaving the room. The technicians approach her and direct her towards the chair in the centre of the room. She follows without struggle and allows them to secure the metal cuffs around her securing her into the chair. They turn on the machine and it lights up. The guard is placed in her mouth to mute her screams later. As they bring the machine closer, aligning it with her body she tenses, preparing for them to begin. She knows the routine now.

* * *

_ “She’s doing well,”  _ her handler says to his commanding officer as they watch the room through a window.  _ “Her compliance is complete.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates should be a weekly occurrence, around once a week usually on Wednesday. Please let me know what you thought, I really want to know what you guys think. I'm super pumped for this story but it is a bit sad when there's no feedback. So please leave a comment and tell me your thoughts on the story, comments are like Philinda kisses and as there are no canon Philinda kisses I need all the comments I can get :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What's happening Mack?” Coulson asked as they tried to bring up some better footage of what was happening.
> 
> “I think there's another player sir,” he replied...

He watched from the Zephyr as the team moved in to make first contact with the inhuman. They were still dealing with the results of the terrigen outbreak and more inhumans were appearing faster than ever. Their most recent find was an inhuman that seemed to have some sort of telepathic powers. A couple of years ago he would have said that it was impossible, but now he's learnt to kind of just go with it. It's going to be a public approach which isn't really ideal but they can't afford to waste time and risk others finding the inhuman before them. There hasn't been much news from Hydra recently, almost several weeks, which is both a relief and a worry. They say that no news is good news, but when it comes to Hydra he tends to think that no news just means that they're growing a new head. 

The feed from the one of the team’s cameras showed a female figure leaning against a wall. He gave the all clear and they moved in to initiate contact. He watched and listened closely as Daisy engaged the inhuman in conversation, it all seemed to be going well so far. The inhuman’s body language showed that she was relaxed and comfortable as she conversed with Daisy. He could see her nodding and even a small smile was on her face. A small swell of pride welled up in him as he looked at how far Daisy had come from being a delinquent hacker to a highly capable agent. She was walking calmly with the new inhuman towards the cars and it looked like it was set to be a highly successful mission. They may even get a new recruit out of today.

“Head home guys,” he spoke over comms happy with the outcome.

“Copy that sir,” Mack responded as he started up the engine of one of the cars as Daisy and the new inhuman climbed in. “We should be back in-”

Something crashed through the back window of the car cutting him off. His eyes widened as he realised what it was and yelled at everyone to get out of the car.

“Grenade!” He yelled as it began emitting an odourless gas, filling the car. He gasped and scrabbled at the door as he fumbled with his seat belt, vaguely aware of Daisy and the inhuman doing the same. The gas burned his eyes and the back of his throat as he tried to breathe as little as possible. Flinging the car door open, he collapsed onto the ground outside, heaving to get oxygen into his lungs. He could hear the others gasping for air on the other side of the car as tears streamed from his eyes because of the gas. Tear gas he thought as he blinked rapidly to try and clear his vision. A figure approached in the distance, blurry in his distorted eyesight.

“Daisy,” he wheezed, struggling to his feet. His partner coughed on the other side of the car.

“Caitlin?” She called out to the inhuman crawling over to her. She gasped as the sharp bitumen of the road bit into her already sensitive skin due to the gas. The inhuman, Caitlin, was struggling to breath as she lay collapsed on the road. Unlike the others she wasn’t a trained agent and she’d take a little longer to get out of the car, inhaling more of the gas.

“Caitlin?” Daisy asked again as she got close enough to the new inhuman and touched her shoulder tentatively. “We need to move,” she coughed as gas continued to spill out of the car.

Groaning, she moved to help the new inhuman move to clear ground with her, away from the smoke. She’s about to call out to Mack when a dark figure emerges through the smoke. They’ve got dark tinted glasses covering their eyes, and a mask covering their nose and mouth, protecting them from the tear gas and obscuring their face from view. A rifle with a grenade launcher is slung over their back, and the metal of their left arm glints in the sunlight, shining through the smoke. She squints at them, through the tears leaking from her eyes.

“Mack!” She calls as the figure comes closer, their walk purposeful as they approach. Her heart begins to race as she struggles to get herself and Caitlin away from the car. The gas has knocked her senses all out of whack and she struggles to coordinate her limbs quickly. They’re barely six feet from the car when the figure finally reaches them. They look at her with a piercing stare, it feels like they’re staring straight into her soul but not actually seeing her. 

“Cai-” she’s cut off by their assailant with a swift punch, their metal arm colliding with her temple rendering her unconscious.

* * *

 

“Mack! Daisy! Come in!” Coulson calls over comms. The footage on his screen is shrouded by smoke and he can't see what's going on really. He's relying solely on what he hears at the moment, and all he getting right now is a crackly static sound filtering through the comms. An ear piercing screech rings through making him wince and try to pull away from the awful sound. 

“Mack!” He calls and feels a sigh of relief as he hears Mack finally respond. 

“Tear gas grenade,” he coughed over comms inhaling deeply. “Daisy!” he called out. 

“What's happening Mack?” Coulson asked as they tried to bring up some better footage of what was happening. 

“I think there's another player sir,” he replied crawling around the car to the other side. 

A black SUV flew past pulling up abruptly and flinging open the door. He watches as their attacker moves towards the car, the new inhuman carried being carried over to the car by the other team. He struggles to stand and raises his ICER at their assailant. They lift their head to look at him as they pause upon entering the car. He levels his ICER to shoot when he feels a searing pain burning through his shoulder and his ICER falls to the ground. Blood soaks through his shirt as he realises he's been shot. They look at him as if they're looking straight through him and he shivers as they stand there staring at him, gun raised, smoke still wafting from it. Their stare feels eerily familiar but he can't place it. Re-holstering their gun, they disappear inside the car as it speeds off down the street and out of sight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sets up a lot of things and really sets everything in motion. I'm so excited, please leave a comment and let me know what you think. Also, have you guys seen the AoS finale? What did you think? Come talk to me about it, who do you think the new director is? I hope it's May XD


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This painful sensation of a thousand needles piercing her brain? She had never had a reaction like this...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, sorry I lost track of time and so the chapter is a day late. I have had heaps of tests this week and I have exams coming up also which means that updates may be a bit slower. Hopefully though, I will get enough chapters pre-written and all will be good :)

She flailed her arms and legs as she tried to fight back, but her movements were weak and she was little more than an annoyance. Thrown roughly into the back of the car, she righted herself and looked at her kidnappers. It was a woman, which shocked her. Her dark hair was pulled back in a severe looking bun, so tight it looked almost painful. It was difficult for her to see their face as they still had dark glasses on and a mask covering their nose and mouth. The metal cuffs around her wrists were cool as she rubbed at them absent mindedly, trying to work her way into the mind of her kidnapper. It was almost like white noise filling her brain and she pulled back from the others woman's mind as if she had burnt her. She'd never felt anything like it before, never experienced a reaction like this. Usually she had no problems with reading or accessing people's mind, some were darker than others and some had more chatter, but this? This painful sensation of a thousand needles piercing her brain? She had never had a reaction like this to another person's mind. There was something different about that woman, something not right. Something wrong.

The car ride was surprisingly calm, quiet and uneventful. At one point a blindfold and a special kind of helmet was placed over her head and she could only assume that it was to keep intact the secrecy of the location they were going to. The helmet seemed to numb her brain and had an almost soothing effect in a way. So much different to the pain that was in her kidnappers mind. She swore to herself that she would never try to look into that woman's mind again, not so much as probe the edges of her consciousness.

She heard the opening of the door and felt herself hauled to her feet and dragged along, helmet and blindfold still in place. Pushed back into a chair, she felt the smooth, cool sensation of metal cuffs securing around her wrists and ankles. The blindfold was suddenly removed from her eyes and she squinted as she tried to adjust to the harsh bright lights that illuminated the room. By the looks of it, it seemed like an interrogation room. Glancing around she tried to take note of her surroundings but her mind felt slightly sluggish and it was difficult being strapped down. The woman with the painful mind stood in the corner, hands clasped behind her back watching her emotionlessly as she stood stock still. The walls were a pristine glossy white that only made the fluorescent lights even brighter as they reflected off the walls. The room was square and had only one other chair in the room, a regular chair. She assumed that there were probably a dozen hidden cameras and microphones throughout the room, but for now she was alone, well alone with the woman with the painful mind.

A door suddenly opened from the wall to her left and she felt her stomach drop. She was an ordinary, kind and peaceful person. How did she end up in this situation? “Caitlin Troaks,” the man said with the barest hint of a Russian accent and sat down with a clipboard in hand, one leg perched across his knee in a casual position. She looked at him trying to evaluate what her response should be. Damn them for using this helmet on her, she couldn't get a read on him. “We know about your powers,” the man continued, ignoring her lack of response. “We like people who are gifted like yourself. You have so much potential.”

* * *

 

“What happened out there?” Coulson asked as he paced up and down in the med lab.

Daisy and Mack were each on their own beds as the doctors checked them over.

“Uh, tear gas,” Daisy shook her head, wincing as she gingerly placed an ice pack to the side of her head.

“A grenade,” Mack added not looking at anyone in particular, staring straight ahead.

“And the inhuman? Caitlin?” Coulson asked frustrated, nothing really seemed to go right anymore. Not since they lost May.

“They took her,” Daisy coughed, taking a sip of water. “Right after they knocked me out.”

“Did you get any details that could help us track them down?” She glanced towards her partner who was looking down at the bandage over his right shoulder, his right arm now in a sling.

“Hard to tell really,” he said glancing up at them. “But it was a woman, and she was fast. Shot me right through the shoulder even though I already had my ICER up.”

“Did you get a good look at her?”

Mack shook his head looking defeated. “She had a mask and some sort of glasses on. I couldn't see her face.”

“I think they had like some sort of weird tech or something,” Daisy added with a frown. “They punched me real hard.”

Coulson looked over to Fitz who was leaning against the door frame.

“See what you can salvage from the footage we got. I want to find out who kidnapped Caitlin and where they've taken her!”

Fitz nodded in reply as he left the room to start on the task immediately. The influx of complications recently had placed Coulson under a lot of stress.

“You ok?” Daisy asked her partner who was worryingly quiet.

He nodded but remained quiet for a moment.

“It was like I knew them,” he muttered with a frown, voice coming out in a rumble. “It felt almost familiar, but they looked straight through me. Like I wasn't even there.”

“It's probably Hydra,” she tried to reassure him. “Their all mindless followers brainwashed into believing that they're doing the right thing.”

He nodded acknowledging her words but still looked troubled.

“Not all of them were willing,” Coulson pointed out from where he was leaning against a wall. “Agent 33 was captured and forced into compliance. She didn't sign up for that and it ruined her life.”

She looked over at the director who had a dark expression on his face, angry on behalf of the innocents that had been caught in Hydra's clutches. Sometimes she forgot that not all of those who were a part of Hydra were willing. Not all of them were like Ward, some of them never even got a choice. Sometimes she just needed people like Coulson to remind her that. Make her see past her anger and hurt.

Coulson was a good man. He worked hard and he cared about others. Sometimes their missions hit closer to home than he would care to admit, but he was the boss and he had to set an example for the rest of his team. It was getting harder though to maintain his emotions and keep them from spilling over. So much had happened and he felt like they were constantly fighting an uphill battle. Hydra never stopped returning and now the outbreak of inhumans had left them with their resources spread thin and their hands full. Observing his team from the outside he could see the stress was affecting them too. Fitz was a little more nervous and unsure these days, Mack had become withdrawn and closed off, Jemma worked harder than ever sometimes neglecting her own health, Bobbi and Hunter fought more often than usual and Daisy trained more and tried using physical exertion to relieve the stress. He sighed pinching the bridge of his nose. He could hear May's voice in his head making some sort of smart comment that would have relieved his stress and brought a smile to his face. But not today, not ever. He will never actually hear her make some sort of smart remark to make him feel better ever again. The thought almost brings tears to his eyes but he fights his feelings suppressing them to explode at a later stage. He'll deal with that when it happens. For now, he needs to focus on his team. He's not the only one that's hurting, the only one that's struggling. They all are, and he needs to help them get through this, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So tell me what you thought, I promise there will be more May! Chapter 11 is gonna be super exciting ;P  
> Please leave a comment in that little box below, it only takes a second and it absolutely makes my day, comments are like fuel for my writing.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally the team gets a solid lead, but where will it lead them?

“Aha!” Fitz raised his fist in victory as he zoomed in on the screen. “Gotcha!” He said before hopping up from his chair and heading off for the Director’s office. Rushing off down the corridors he stopped at the Director’s office and took a moment before walking in calmly. Coulson looked over at him from where he was standing by the window, arms folded across his chest.

“Sir,” Fitz said walking in, “I think we’ve got a lead.”

Turning fully away from the window, Fitz noticed as Coulson discreetly slipped the pair of aviators into the inner pocket of his jacket.

“Show me,” he said gesturing to the projector screen.

“Ah, right,” Fitz replied as he set about bringing the footage up, choosing wisely not to comment on the pair of aviators to Coulson. “See there,” he pointed as he zoomed up on the screen.

The director squinted as he stepped closer to see clearly.

“That,” Fitz continued, “is our mystery assailant and kidnapper.”

Coulson turned to him with a slightly puzzled expression.

“Look,” Fitz gestured to the screen as he brought up the footage of the bases security. A black SUV drove past one of the cameras. “That car there was present on the day of the explosion,” he said nodding at the car as he brought up another set of footage. “And was also at the assault the other day with the inhuman.”

Coulson looked more closely at the screen again, a frown crinkling his brow.

“So you’re saying that this car,” he pointed, “was at both the assault the other day and in close range of our base on the day of the explosion?”

Fitz nodded his head.

“And so it could be related to both incidents?”

“Exactly,” Fitz said raising a hand to scratch his head. “It could be just a coincidence but I don't think so.”

Coulson looked at it thoughtfully trying to make out what to do with the new piece of information if it was in fact true.

“Have you tried to trace it?” He asked Fitz.

“Yes but,” he held up a finger as he brought up his evidence. “The plates are fake or at least unregistered.”

Crossing his arms and leaning back slightly Coulson decided to trust his gut.

“See if there's anything else you can find out, I think you might be onto something.”

Fitz smiled a little proud to have found what could be an important link between the two events.

* * *

 “This is it?” Bobbi asked as they pulled up at what looked like a lunch bar in the middle of nowhere. Well it wasn't actually nowhere, more like an abandoned industrial area. A single black SUV was parked outside it. Starting to open her car door she pulled back abruptly as another black SUV came hurtling towards them t-boning the side of the car and throwing them back.

“Fitz? You ok?” Bobbi called as she shifted toward the right hand side away from the door. The car pulled back for a moment before ramming them again. She was seriously beginning to hate these enemy SUV’s.

“M’good,” Fitz mumbled from his side.

“I gotta get us out of her,” she stated as she tried to shift into a position to drive. Her hands gripped the wheel tightly as another SUV rammed them from the other side sandwiching them between the two cars.

“Guys,” Bobbi called through her comm. “we could really use some backup.”

“On our way,” Coulson answered as he and Hunter tore down the street at an alarming speed that was definitely over the limit. It was an old industrial area anyway so it wasn't like it was packed with traffic.

“Bloody hell!” Hunter exclaimed as they crashed into the scene ramming one of the other cars sandwiching Bobbi and Fitz in.

“Are you guys operational?” Coulson asked referring to the car.

“Uhh, I think everything's still working,” Fitz called back looking worriedly out his window.

* * *

 

“The director is here,” the agent called to his superior as they were suddenly rammed in the side by shield’s backup.

“Sending in the asset,” was all he received in response before their comms clicked off. He hoped he wouldn't have to wait long before she turned up. He didn't want to get killed in some twisted car wrestling match.

The sound of the helicopter reaches him before he sees it. The gusts created by the propeller causing a terrible wind that rocks the cars. He only just managed to cover up his sigh of relief as he realised that his job was pretty much finished now. He could turn in for the day now. The asset had arrived. He's taken to calling her the “Shadow Soldier” due to her unnerving ability to just appear and disappear at any given time. It's not her official name, he doesn't even know what it is, but the name’s kinda stuck not just with him but the other agents as well. They've taken to calling her the “Shadow Soldier” since she became an active asset and he's so glad that she's on their side. From what little he has seen of her, he understands how deadly she is. Perhaps the rumours are bigger than the truth, but he doesn't think they're that far from it. She was after all acquired by Hydra for a reason.

* * *

 

The sudden arrival of the helicopter throws him for a minute as he feels the car shake. There's more to it though. He watches as someone drops out of the helicopter sliding down the cement walls of one of the buildings. Sparks fly from where their hand is dragging down the wall, deep finger marks leaving a jagged trail behind. How that is even possible is beyond him. As they release the wall and roll into a landing alarm bells are ringing in his ears. This is not good news.

“Bobbi?” He calls over Comms as he pulls his ICER from where it was holstered. “Did you bring your batons? It looks like we have an enhanced.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I have the next chapter done so even though I'll have exams I can still update for you guys, the chapter after that may be a bit slower though because I might not get that done in time. Chapter 11 is super exciting I think, but you'll have to wait til next week to find out ;)
> 
> Please leave a comment and let me know what you think, feedback from you guys is better than Nandos, and I really love Nandos <3


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh I'm sorry this is a day late. I've had exams this week so I've been really busy studying and I completely lost track of what day it was. This was pre-written because I wanted to make sure I could still update even with exams. Enjoy, and I'll see you at the bottom :)

For the first time in a very long time, he feels a feeling of fear well up in him as he sees the enhanced move towards them. The glint of metal from her left arm brings Daisy’s words back to him, it’s not some sort of weird tech, it’s her arm. It’s not like she’s frighteningly large and looming over them, but something about her sets him on edge. It’s like there’s something almost predatory to her walk as she approaches. She unslings the rifle from across her back and takes aim, he’s barely enough time to duck down before the sound of bullets smashing against the glass of the windows reaches his ears. Their windows are bullet proof, but they’re not designed to stand a constant onslaught. A couple of bullets? Yeah sure, it can handle that, but several magazines? That is pushing the limit just a bit.

“Bobbi?” He calls over comms as he sees Hunter trying to pull out his sidearm from where he’s cramped up in a corner of the car.

“Sir,” she replies as their own car is being rained upon by bullets.

“Do you and Fitz have it?”

“Fitz,” Bobbi calls to the engineer who is fiddling with something in the back seat.

“Almost ready,” he says before clicking something in and turning to her with a nod. “All set.”

“Wait for them to reload,” Coulson orders as they watch the Hydra agents surrounding them, bullets showering them from all directions.

“Now!” He calls as their is a momentary lapse.

Fitz throws open the boot of the car, throwing the device out before closing the boot just as quickly as bullets begin to whizz towards them, a couple lodging themselves in the interior of the car. They wait with bated breath until a small shock wave emanated from the device, throwing the Hydra agents back and rocking the cars precariously from side to side. Bursting from the cars, Bobbie took out the Hydra agents with her batons whilst they were still down from the shock waves, as Hunter fired with his ICER covering her back. Fitz fired from the now open boot of the car whilst Coulson drove the other car providing cover for both Bobbi and Hunter. The enhanced woman rose from the ground steadily, assessing the situation. Aiming his ICER, Hunter shot at her, proving to be only an irritation as the round splattered across the dark glasses covering her eyes. Tearing the glasses off and throwing them away to the side, she rolled behind one of the cars before taking her firearm and reappearing from the other side. Not even hesitating to aim she fired off  a few shots, grazing Hunter on his left side as he stood there stunned for a moment.

“Did anybody else see that?” He called over comms as he ducked down behind a car to assess his wounds.

“What?!” Bobbie replied to the sounds of flesh meeting batons in the background.

“I coulda just sworn May just shot me, y’know the enhanced.”

“What?” Coulson butted in, “this not the time for jokes Hunter.”

“I’m not joking,” he insisted adamantly ducking down at the sound of gunfire approaching him.

“It’s not possible,” Coulson refused to believe the Brit.

“Guys,” Fitz called as he rapidly fired his ICER, “Hunter’s not lying.”

* * *

Even when he’d first met Melinda May, Leo Fitz had never truly been afraid, a little intimidated sure, but not scared. As she approached him now though, Fitz was quite thoroughly scared, the rifle pointed his way was probably a large factor, but also was the emotionless dead look in her eyes like she didn’t even know him.

“May,” he tried reasoning with her but it was like she couldn’t hear him. “May, please just stop. Don’t do this.”

She stared at him with an unwavering gaze, he felt sure her finger would just squeeze that trigger any second now. He held his breath waiting,he was out of rounds. He never thought he’d die at the hands of a friend, scrap that, a  _ dead friend.  _ A blur of silver crossed his vision and before his mind could fully process what had just happened he saw May and Bobbi attacking one another. Bobbi had thrown one of her batons, catching May off balance and sending the gun flying off away from them. They circled each other preparing to strike. This wasn’t just another of their sparring matches in the gym Bobbi had to remind herself, this was the real thing and May was actually the enemy. She remembers the last time she and May had anything close to a real fight, she’d only managed to win after pulling out the EMP, May would have beaten her with combat if she hadn’t.

“If that is May,” Coulson called over comms as he slipped out of the car and made his way towards the fight. “Refrain from lethal force.”

“I don’t know if that’s an option, sir.” Bobbi gritted out as she and May traded blows, the strength of May’s left arm jarring her bones. May’s enhanced features made her an even more deadly opponent. If she couldn’t kill she didn’t know how she would manage to subdue her, not that she wanted to kill May of course, but if it came down to her or everyone else…

“I’m out on the ICERs sir,” Fitz stated as he realised their options now were very limited.

“That’s an order Agent Morse!” Coulson called, “I repeat, do not kill.”

She breathed out deeply as she and May engaged, performing a deadly dance as they traded blows. Bobbi struck out with her baton as May intercepted with her arm, the ringing sound of metal on metal echoing around them.

“Stand down May,” Bobbi ground out as they stood locked.

May looked at her with a frown, annoyance clear in her eyes. Pushing forward with the new strength in her left arm, she threw Bobbi back, before following up with a swift punch to her temple. She crumpled to the ground unconscious as May flexed the fingers of her left arm.

“Stand down May,” Coulson said calmly as he approached her from a couple of feet away. The gun tucked in the waistband of his jeans like a solid, heavy reminder of how this situation could possibly go. She stared at him with a death glare, something so Melinda that he wanted to cry.

“Who the hell is May?” She demanded quietly, voice tinged with anger and… doubt?

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay!!! Finally, I know you've all been waiting for it, but I promise you this. This is only just the start ;)  
> Please comment and let me know what you thought, I love hearing from you guys. Comments are like agents of shield episodes and as it isn't airing right now I need all the comments I can get.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He backs up a little until he is pressed with his back against the boot of the car. Her approach is almost predatory as she closes the distance towards him, like a lioness rushing in for the kill.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another update! I wasn't sure if I was going to get this up in time since I've just come out of exams but I'm pretty proud of myself for keeping up. Enjoy and I'll see you at the bottom :)

Her words are like a solid punch to the gut. 

‘Who the hell is May?’  The question is ringing in his ears as his mind reels. She sounds just like his May, she looks just like his May, minus the metal arm. He must be missing something. May would never want to hurt any of their team intentionally, except for maybe Hunter.  But she's standing there, so real and alive that he doubts whether this is actually happening. Maybe this whole thing is just a dream and he'll wake up in a minute with Melinda walking in to find him asleep on his desk as she places a cup of coffee beside him. Her eyes, they haunt him. They're May's eyes, and yet they are not. The look which they hold is all too much of a reminder of how they looked after Bahrain. The light she had gained from finally opening up again and redefining herself gone. There is no longer any life in her eyes, and that is what scares him. His mind is screaming at him to run away as fast and as far as he possibly can but his body refuses to obey. If this is his May, he can't abandon her. She means too much to him, he won't lose her again. 

“May,” he starts taking a tentatively slow step towards her. 

Her dark eyes drill into his own, their dull blank stare sending chilling shivers down his spine and not in a good way. 

“May-”

The moment is broken as Hunter appears from around one of the cars, gun raised and aimed at May. It all happens so quickly, one minute he is caught in a stare down with her and the next she is a flurry of movements as she takes Hunter down. A single shot is fired from Hunter’s gun as he reacts. She raises her arm though and the bullet deflects off the metal ricocheting off and lodging itself in a car not more than twenty centimetres away from Coulson's head. The two tussle on the ground before May lands a solid blow to Hunter’s temple, the strength of her enhanced features proving superior. He slumps to the ground unconscious at her feet as she steps over him and approaches the Director. He backs up a little until he is pressed with his back against the boot of the car. Her approach is almost predatory as she closes the distance towards him, like a lioness rushing in for the kill. Swallowing heavily, his fingers wrap around the gun tucked into the waistband of his jeans. He prays that he won't have to use it. 

“May please just-”

“Shut up!” She growls a brief flash of emotion in her eyes. 

“May just listen to-”

“Stop calling me that!” She commands as she stops in front of him. Her hands are clenched tightly into fists as she seems to have some sort of internal struggle for a moment. A brief flicker of hope rises in him, maybe his May is in there somewhere. He knows this woman in front of him now isn't her. Something else is at play here, who knows what Hydra have done to her. 

Her fist to his gut is not expected be really should have been as he hunches over in pain trying to suck air back into his lungs in gasping breaths. He honestly thought he had been getting through to her. 

“May!” He wheezes out between sucking in air. 

“Don't. Call. Me.That.”

She punctuates each word with a punch, two to the head, two to the gut. She's his friend though, his partner, he doesn't want to hurt her. This isn't her, this isn't his May. The boot of the car suddenly flies open as Fitz bursts out, gun raised to fire. He'd heard Coulson's pained gasps over comms and couldn't just stand by as his boss took a beating. Friend or not, this woman was not the Agent May that they all knew and he couldn't stand by and do nothing.

He fires multiple shots and all too quickly her attention is upon him. She springs, cat like, her attack still holding the familiar grace that May's attacks always had, but there's also something different. Her movements are less careful in regards to herself, their harsher and not as thought out, almost as if she doesn't care if she hurts herself. He's little time to think more on the matter before she is wrestling him for the gun, a collapsed Coulson gasping on the floor nearby covered in his own blood. He's fighting a losing battle though, she may be smaller in size but her strength is almost inhuman, Hydra must have made more than just one enhancement. She seizes the gun and turns it on him, a solid hit upside the head with it dropping him like a stone in the ocean as he falls unconscious. 

Making her way back towards the Director she hauls him up to his feet before dragging him along with her and opening one of the cars belonging to Hydra. Cuffs are placed on his wrists as she secures him and lays him on his side in the back of the car, the gun removed from his person. The door slams shut behind him as he begins to catalogue his situation. At least three cracked ribs, definite bruising and bleeding, handcuffed in the back of an SUV and kidnapped by Hydra and none other than his dead best friend. This day just keeps getting worst. Groaning he rolls over a little to keep the circulation in his arms and tries to wipe some of the blood from his face. Thinking, he tries to come up for an explanation for the extreme situation that he has found himself in. He can't get over the fact that his best friend is alive. She's alive, he doesn't know how or why, but she is. Knowing this should bring him great joy but it only makes him want to cry and scream for her. At what cost? He asks himself. What did they do to her to make her into this…  _ soldier? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hoped you liked it. I'm having so much fun with this story. Please let me know what you thought and leave a comment because I really love getting feedback from you guys. Comments are like choc chip cookies, you can never have enough :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson's captive and May... well, nothing good can come from this situation...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. I was tired and I had multiple tests for school and also writers block. I hope this makes up for it :)

Harsh sunlight is streaming in as the boot of the car is thrown open. A bag is shoved over his head roughly, plunging him into darkness. Several pairs of hands are grabbing at him before he is hauled out of the boot and dragged along on numb feet, to where he doesn't know. The thundering sound of heavy boots thudding on the ground is all he can distinguish from the muffled noises he can hear through the bag. 

Left turn. Straight. Right turn. Right turn. Left turn. 

He tries cataloging their journey as they lead him, stumbling every now and then. The fatigue of the day beginning to catching up with him. Finally, after too many turns he's sure they've lead him in a circle, he's shoved into a room and cuffed to a desk. Hands push down roughly on his shoulders pushing him down into a chair. Fluorescent bright lights beam into his face as the bag is pulled carelessly off his head.

A man sits in front of him with black hair that is beginning to grey and dark, intense eyes that stare at him calculatingly. 

“Phil Coulson” he says in a voice that clearly demands obedience. 

He looks at the man with a well practiced non expression. He wasn't a SHIELD agent for nothing. The man continues on not bothered by Coulson’s lack of response. 

“You have something I want,” he states. 

Still he refuses to react, this guy is going to have to try a lot harder to try and break him if he wants to get any sort of information. That is  _ if  _ he breaks him. 

“And I have something you want.”

The wheels are turning in his mind. May! His eyes widen a fraction as his brain begins to comprehend. He has to be talking about her, God knows what they've already done to her. 

“I'm glad that we're finally on the same page,” he continues as he observes Coulson’s silence.  

He stares back unflinchingly.

* * *

 

She is directed into the room as they unload her of her weapons. The door clicks shut, locked behind her as technicians bustle about the room. Her mind is a haze but she feels like a corner of that haze is pulling free. A small section of clarity revealing itself to her as her mind swirls in confusion.

“I knew him,” she whispers barely audible as she is secured into a chair. 

Her handler pauses in his writing, pen poised over paper as he looks at her sharply. 

“What?!” He demands harshly. 

“I knew him,” she repeats, eyes staring straight ahead as she struggles to make sense of what her jumbled mind is telling her. 

“Soldier!” He calls in Russian, the word coming out more like a bark. 

“I knew him. He knew me,” she mumbles ignoring the command. Those blue eyes, pleading with her are seared into her mind. She knows those eyes. 

“Reset her,” he orders one of the technicians before striding out of the room.

A metal band extends from the chair, one locking her chest in place and two smaller ones securing her arms down unable to strike out. The guard is placed in her mouth before the machine is lowered to surround her head as they turn up the dial.

* * *

 

The door opens abruptly as a man walks in, clipboard in hand as he talks lowly in rapid fire Russian. His knowledge of the language is really too basic for him to actually understand their conversation but he understands that it must be pretty important for them to interrupt an interrogation. If that's what they want to call this. Both men glance at him before he hears the screams. It sends a shiver down his spine at the heart wrenching sound. It seems like an eternity before it ends but it can't have been more than a few minutes. The other man leaves the room and then the screams start up again. 

“The inhuman,” his  _ interrogator _ starts, continuing on as if there aren't the sounds of a torture victim echoing through the building. 

“You want her back, yes?”

_ What? Inhuman? They have oh- _

“Miss Troaks. Such an interesting specimen.”

Guilt settles in his stomach as he realises he had completely lost sight of their mission. The inhuman, Caitlin. They were supposed to be saving her, what the hell happened?! May happened he thinks. Seeing his now, not dead best friend has thrown him completely off his game. He has no idea where his head's at right now. It's all so overwhelming, he feels like his mind is about to explode from it all. He's also incredibly tired and his body is in pain. 

“What do you want?” Coulson finally asks. He's too tired and too old for this shit. It's not even a proper interrogation. Hydra needs to shape up. The man inclines his head in thought, well the illusion of thought. Clearly he already knows what he wants or he wouldn't be stuck here kidnapped by Hydra. 

“You have a very interesting story Mr Coulson,” the man finally says, his pen dancing across his fingertips. “It interests me  very much how you managed to return from the dead.”

Coulson's jaw sets as he dislikes where the conversation is headed. 

“A rather majestic feat really,” he continues. “Something I'd rather like to recreate myself.”

He is silent as he thinks over how best to deal with the situation at hand. Clearly the guy is crazy if he wants to raise the dead. There is a reason why it shouldn't be done. He knows, he's suffered because of it. His mind turns to Melinda though, what kind of stunts did Hydra pull to bring her back? If they haven't mastered reviving the dead, the must be pretty damn close. There is no way May could have survived what she did without being so close to death. The beginnings of anger are bubbling up within him. They had no right! No right at all to do what they did. He can only imagine what they did to her, how she suffered, how she is still suffering. He knows they've done something to her, May would never hurt him. 

“So what do you want?” He growls, barely able to contain his anger. He is sick of people trying to raise the dead!

“I need your life source,” the man states simply as he leans forward. 

The room is quiet as they stare at one another. The screams have stopped, for now he thinks. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter should hopefully be a more regular update, I have started writing it already ;)  
> Please let me know what you thought, any ideas or suggestions. I love hearing from you guys so please make my day. Leave a comment, put a smile on my dial. Comments are like philinda hugs, and we've had barely any so more comments guys!!


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team to the rescue! It's time to save the Director...

He feels faint as his blood slowly filters into the bag. He can see several small bags of his blood lined up in a tray as his arms and fingers begin to tingle from the blood loss. They’ve just finished the second pint when there is a loud explosion. His mind is fuzzy but he can dully comprehend the sounds of gunfire and orders being shouted. The scientists in the lab with him are speeding up their movements as they hurry about, he watches as they wrap quick rough bandages around his arms. The bags of his blood are packed up in a case before the doors are thrown open. He has little energy to contain the small sigh of relief that he exhales. Bobbi and Daisy come crashing through the doors sending the scientists backing up against the walls, several shots from their icers has them slumped against the walls. Both women rush over to him freeing from the chair where he had been strapped down. His limbs feel heavy and weak but they need to get moving. 

“This building’s rigged to blow, we’ve got ten minutes to reach extraction,” Bobbi informed him as they made their way down the corridor.

“Inhuman?” he asked, blinking rapidly to try and focus.

“Hunter and Mack have secured her,” Daisy provided as she steadied him slightly. “They’ve been doing some sort of experimenting on her we think.”

“May…” He stumbled before righting himself.

“Coulson, we-”

“We have to get her,” He cut Bobbi off. He’d lost May once already, he wasn’t going to lose her again.

“There’s no time Coulson, this building’s going to blow in ten.”

“You go,” he pushed both Bobbi and Daisy forward. “I’ll find her.”

Both women try to argue with him to make him see reason, but time is fast running out. He feels a little guilty as he pulls rank over them, ordering them to go on without him and he’d meet them at the extraction point. The frowns on both their faces tell of a storm that is likely to erupt in his office once they all get back to base, but he really needs to do this. They’d lost May because of him, he had to do everything he possibly could to get her back. Daisy frowns at him but gives him specific instructions and directions to meet at the extraction point before they leave him. He turns down a corridor, hurrying up his pace as Bobbi and Daisy head back to the extraction point to meet with the others.

“Come on May, where are you?” he mutters to himself as he stumbles down the hall.

The lights are flickering as he throws open several doors before he finds what he is looking for. It’s a steel reinforced door, but it has a panel which he can see through. There is a chair situated in the centre of the room, but anything else is obscured by his restricted view. Opening the door slowly, he inches his way into the room, senses on high alert. He almost doesn’t see her coming before she is upon him. She’s like a shadow materialising in front of him as she lands a swift uppercut to his jaw. He stumbles back holding up his fists to block anymore attacks that may come but none do. She’s standing there looking at him, the power stance is so ‘May’ but he has to remind himself that it isn’t  _ his _ May. There’s an almost feral look in her eyes as she judges him from where she stands. They stare at one another, she’s sizing him up and he’s searching for a sign. A sign that she’s still in there, a sign that his Melinda isn’t lost, a sign that she still knows him. The fingers of her metal arm flex seemingly unconsciously as she stares him down. He places the gun that Daisy had given him before she left on the ground, careful to maintain eye contact.

“I’m not here to hurt you May,” he says softly, so careful not to break the tense sort of peace that had fallen over them.

She practically growls at him as she launches herself at him, a forearm pressed up against his throat as she shoves him into a wall.

“Don’t. Call. Me. That.” She grinds out, confusion and anger flashing through her eyes.

He holds on to her confusion, taking it as a sign that maybe his May is in there, fighting to come back.

“You-” she presses her forearm harder against his windpipe causing him to cough, “know me.” He manages to squeeze the words out, tears brought to his eyes as he struggles to breathe.

“No I don’t,” she punches him, blood spilling from his nose as his head cracks back hard against the wall. “I don’t know you,” she repeats as she punches him again, her fist meeting his face as she lays into him, the phrase falling from her lips like a chant ‘ _ I don’t know you _ ’. It’s like she’s trying to convince not just him, but herself too. His blood is on her hands but he doesn’t do anything to stop her. He slumps down the wall to the floor as she holds him up by the neck of his shirt.

“I love you Melinda, I’m not going to hurt you,” he manages to say through a split lip and the blood in his mouth. His right eyes is barely open and his head feels faint both from the blood that was taken from him and the present beating. She pauses at his words, fist poised ready to strike as they seem to hit something within her. There is a wild, searching look in her eyes for a moment as she looks down at him, but it’s gone almost as quickly as it appeared.

“I don’t know you,” she states firmly, anger and defiance laced through the tone of her voice.

They building begins to suddenly shake as dust rains down upon them. A loud explosion can be heard before the roof and walls begin to quite literally come down around them. He coughs as he struggles to rise, he needs to get out of this building now. He’s barely made it to his feet before the ground shakes again and the roof really is falling down on him. He looks around frantically, but somehow in the confusion of the explosion and the cover of the falling building, May has disappeared from him.

“May!” He calls out before a hacking cough attacks his lungs as he tries to breathe through the dust. There is no answer to his call, only the sound of the falling building which he needs to get out of now. Rising to his feet properly and trying to find the exit the ceiling suddenly caves in and his world goes black as it comes down on his prone form.

* * *

 

His mind is briefly surfaces to consciousness as he feels himself pulled from the rubble. His body is aching and he can’t think of anything that doesn’t hurt right now. Fighting to hold onto consciousness, he sees a figure walk away from him, their form blurred by his barely open eyes and their dark clothing. He watches as they hop onto a motorbike, looking back at him for a moment, as if their eyes can pierce into his soul from all the way over there, before starting up the bike and speeding away. The metal of their arm glints in the sun as he watches the figure grow smaller, before he succumbs to the dark depths of unconsciousness again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another chapter, yay!! So I'm getting back to my regular updating schedule now so hopefully I can stick to it. I hope you are still enjoying the story, please leave a comment and let me know what you thought or if you have any ideas. Comments are like warm hugs in winter and who doesn't love those?


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dealing with the aftermath of the blast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, a more regular update again. Unfortunately my beta is on holiday so I take full responsibility for all mistakes. Enjoy!

He wakes to the steady sound of the heart monitor beeping as his heart beats. Blinking a few times to adjust to the light, he turns his head to see Daisy asleep by his side, her head laying on the bed right next to his right hand. It looks like an awfully uncomfortable position and he's sure that she'll be stiff and sore when she wakes up. Tentatively he reaches out, grimacing at the soreness of his body. Placing his hand on her shoulder he shakes her gently until she wakes. Suddenly she is fully awake and alert, looking at him with surprise and relief, happiness flooding her features. 

“You're awake,” she states as if not quite believing it. 

He nods and tries to speak but his throat is dry and scratchy and his voice comes out as nothing more than a hoarse croak. Reaching over to the side table she pours him a cup of water and hands it to him to drink. Taking small sips he clears his throat, the liquid soothing it after a prolonged period of disuse. 

“How long have I been out?” He asks once his voice is finally working at a decent level. 

“It's been a week,” she says with a slight tremble to her voice. “The building exploded and you were still in there and we..” Tears fill up her eyes unbidden as she looks down at her hands. 

“We thought we'd lost you,” she finally says once she's regained a little bit of her composure. 

His recollection of the events is a little fuzzy but he remembers the building coming down around him. 

“Did- did you find anyone else?” He asks hopefully, he can't have been the only one they found. 

She shakes her head, unable to voice what he was so hoping not to hear. It's  hard to not see the way he quite literally deflates at her answer. His shoulder slump and his face falls, the small fire of hope that was burning his eyes now reduced to nothing more than embers. Seeing him like this breaks her heart, they all knew how much Coulson and May meant to each other, it just seems like he was the one to find out last, when it was too late. 

“I saw her though,” he says quietly, almost as if he is talking to himself. “She was there, she was right there and…” 

His eyes seem to cloud over as he thinks back to it, a pained expression passing over his face.

“She… she didn’t know me.”

His words seem to snap something inside of her.  _ She didn’t know him.  _ What if that wasn’t even May, she’s supposed to be dead anyway.

“Coulson,” his eyes have a glazed look as she tries to gain his attention.

Placing a hand on his shoulder he finally looks at her. 

“We don’t even know if that was May,” she says carefully, searching his face. “It could have been someone else like Agent 33 or-”

“It was her!” He says adamantly, if there was anyone that he knew best in the world, it was Melinda May.

“We don’t know that for sure,” she says trying to be as gentle with him as possible. “There are-”

“I know her. None of you know her like I do. It was her. I know it.”

Shaking her head at him she takes a step back, anger and frustration now taking place for her previous regret and sorrow for the man.

“You know what? I get it. I really do Coulson. But you need to straighten out your priorities, that’s what May would tell you if she was here right now!” 

He looks at her with a mixture of emotions that she can’t quite discern but she knows that she has his attention after mentioning May.

“It’s been months now Coulson. We all understand how much May meant to you, she meant a lot to us too, but we need you to be the director. You’ve been vacant and now you’re chasing ghosts.”

“She was there,” he shot back at her, voice sharp as anger flashed across his features. “She’s not a ghost, I saw her, I spoke to her, and she needs us. She needs our help and I’m not going to bail out on her now. How many times has she had our backs?”

Breathing in deeply through her nose she tried to calm herself so she could get her message across to Coulson.

“We don’t even know where she is,” she countered, “she might not even be alive, it’s a miracle that you survived that blast.”

“I’ll find her, she’s the reason I survived.”

“I know she sacrificed herself on that bridge but-”

“No,” he cut her off. “Not on the bridge, in the blast. She pulled me clear, I know she did.”

She stared at him for a moment, assessing him like she was trying to tell whether he was in his right mind or not.

“Coulson you can’t be sure that it was her,” she finally says, a flash of what looks like pity entering her eyes.

“How did you find me?” he challenges, a determined glint in his eyes.

“You were laid out on a concrete slab, out of the main wreckage area of the blast.”

“She pulled me out of there, she put me on the slab,” he stated, daring her to contradict him.

“You don’t know that for sure. It could have been the blast threw you clear and-”

“It didn’t,” he said firmly, a slight frown on his forehead. “May pulled me clear, I know she did.”

“But-”

“End of discussion,” he interrupted her with a hard look on his face. “I know what happened, you weren’t there.”

Huffing a sigh she turned to leave.

“I want Mack to take over the Directorship for a while,” he said stopping her in her tracks, a wash of remorse flooding his voice. “I know I haven’t been the Director that you guys need right now, which is why I want Mack to take over for a while whilst I search for May.”

Opening her mouth to speak he held up a finger asking for silence.

“I need to do this,” he told her, an almost desperate look on his face. “Not just for my sake, but for hers. I need to do this.”

She looked at him for  a moment before nodding her head, understanding showing in her eyes.

“I’ll tell Mack,” she said before leaving him alone.

Staring at the empty doorway, memories from the blast whirled about his mind.  _ I love you Melinda, I’m not going to hurt you.  _ **_I don’t know you_ ** **.** The memory of her words is almost like a solid punch to the gut. That wasn’t his May he has to remind himself. She didn’t know. A wave of sadness washes over him, almost drowning him for a moment. God he misses her, her smile, her eyes, her sarcastic quips. He misses all of her. 

“I’ll find you May, I’m coming,” he whispers, a promise to himself and to her. 

He won’t let her down this time. Maybe this time he can be the one to save her. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? Lots of Coulson and Daisy feels there. Hopefully more philinda soon but please leave a comment. Share your thoughts and ideas with me, give me a little feedback. I'd love to hear from you guys and just remember that comments are like new episodes of AoS and as we don't have any at the moment, we need all the comments we can get :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...He’s tired both physically and emotionally and he knows that he should go to bed but he has a feeling in his gut. It’s not much, but it’s something and he just has a feeling about today...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay another update that is following the schedule. Unfortunately however, I will be returning to school tomorrow so that may affect my updating ability. Nevertheless I will try to be on time but do forgive me if I am a bit behind. Anyway, here is the chapter, enjoy!

He runs the software again and again as he searches for her. It’s been days, weeks, months, since he finally got off of bed rest and began his search. Time isn’t relevant to him anymore, it doesn’t matter how long it takes, as long as he gets there in the end. Barely doing anything else other than eating or sleeping when necessary he knows he should be taking better care of himself but he can’t, not as long as Melinda is out there alone, lost to him but more importantly, lost to herself. The others may not believe him, they may think he’s embarked on a wild goose chase on the hunt for ghosts, but he knows otherwise. This isn’t some sort of fiction concocted by his grief ridden mind in the aftermath of Melinda’s death. No, this is a reality that no one but him is capable of accepting. He would have thought that after each of their own personal encounters with May they would be more likely to believe in him, believe in her, but it seems that he had overestimated the extent of their beliefs. Even Daisy, May’s protege and the girl he sees as his own daughter refuses to see the truth, the possibilities of his search. Regardless of what they think, he will find her and bring her home, with him.

His eyes are burning and straining to focus as he watches the screen. He’s tired both physically and emotionally and he knows that he should go to bed but he has a feeling in his gut. It’s not much, but it’s something and he just has a feeling about today. A brief glance at the clock tells him that it’s eight in the morning and he realises that he hasn’t slept in over 24 hours. The constant searching is slowly driving him insane but he can’t stop, it’s almost like an addiction. He has to pinch himself every now and then to remain awake as his eyelids begin to fall and sleep tries to grab at him. To be honest, sleep is about to win the battle right now. A beep sounds from the screen suddenly pulling him back into alertness. Massaging the bridge of his nose he tries to focus his eyes back on the screen. His hands grip the edge of the table tightly as his eyes widen at what is displayed. His heart is pounding in his chest, so loudly he can hear the blood rushing in his ears. The screen shows a woman in a marketplace in Copenhagen, a complete match for Melinda.

* * *

 

The crowd around her is loud as people bustle from stall to stall buying various foods and items and stall owners call out their wares. Regardless of the early hour it seems like the markets are busy at every hour of the day. Her eyes flicker as they constantly survey her surroundings, her mind stuck on constant threat assessment. They’re coming for her, she knows it. She just needs to be ready when they do come, because they will come, and she doesn’t want to go back. They’ve been searching for her months now and she feels like she is under constant surveillance. The prickle on the back of her neck like someone is watching her never seems to leave and she hasn’t stayed in any place for more than a couple of weeks if that. Kouvola (Finland), Tallin (Estonia), Kaunus (Lithuania), Lutsk (Ukraine), Oradea (Romania), Prague (Czech Republic), Brussels (Belgium), Copenhagen (Denmark). She hasn’t stopped moving and she’s too scared of what might happen if she does. Pieces of memories float around her mind like bubbles in the sky. They're there and she can see them just barely through the haziness of her own thoughts but she can never quite grasp them. At least not as of yet.  It's frightening and infuriating all at once. It scares her that there is a part of herself that she has no recollection of and the fact that those memories taunt her resting on the edges of her conscious mind constantly dancing out of reach of whatever attempts she may make to try to regain them. There is only one word that she has, one word that she can relate to some of her past or at least to knowing a part of who she is.  _ May.  _ The word lingers in her mind, that and the face of the blue eyed man. His identity still evades her but she feels like he is a key part in understanding who she is. 

Trying to ignore the pushing and shoving of the other shoppers around her she makes her way to a stall selling fresh produce. Pulling the hood of her hoodie down further over her face she keeps her left arm close to her side to prevent others from brushing up against her. Inspecting some avocados at the stall, she hands over some money to the lady running the stall who then places the avocados in a plastic bag for her. Taking her goods, she then heads towards a stand selling newspapers where she pauses for a moment to read the headlines. There is a commotion a couple of stalls down and she lifts her head to survey the area once again, senses on high alert. Suddenly there are two young men running down towards her way with policemen yelling after them. Bags of stolen goods swing from side to side in their hands as they run with the police calling out for them to stop. They are more likely to lose their charges than catch them as the distance between only grows. The crowds part as the two thieves run through them but no one makes any move to stop them. One of the men grabs a gun from the waistband of his jeans, scaring off anyone who might think to hinder their getaway. Seeing the weapon it's almost as if her body acts on autopilot as she steps into the line of fire blocking his path. He raises his gun at her but she's faster than he is and she's thrown him to the ground and disarmed him before he even has time to remove the safety. His friend is much more wary after seeing the ease with which she took down his partner. There is more space between them and he fires a shot at her which she deflects up with her metal arm though the bullet tears through the sleeve of her hoodie. The crowds seems to gasp and move further back but the people are unable to leave entirely, too engrossed and curious to see what happens next than to really worry about their own safety. The fight is longer than the first but only marginally so. She brings him down swiftly as she clocks a kick to his head before following up with a sweep to his legs taking his feet out from under him and landing him flat on his back. Both men are down and she stands there for a moment as she decides it best to leave before the police catch up. She looks around to leave and suddenly sees several phones held up filming her as the people record the sudden fight between her and the two thieves. The cameras fill her with dread and she leaves the scene with haste, pulling down her hood, not even stopping to pick up her shopping. These people have filmed her and their footage will probably end up on some online site or broadcasting channel so it is only a matter of time before they come looking for her here. It's not safe for her here anymore, she has to leave. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So what did you think? This definitely will affect the rest of the story especially now that things are beginning to align. Please leave a comment and share any thoughts idea or reactions that you may have. Comments are like hot water bottles in your bed on a cold winters night, so please, leave me a comment? Don't let me freeze ;)


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The sound of footsteps makes her pause as she listens for further movement. The noise seems to stop in front of her door and her fingers wrap tightly around the handle of the glock inside her bag as she watches the door at full attention.

It feels like she is constantly looking over her shoulder as she makes her way into the shabby little apartment. Running her fingers through her hair she checks outside the windows before drawing the curtains closed tightly. Hurrying about the room she packs up what little belongings she has managed to acquire into a backpack. The sound of footsteps makes her pause as she listens for further movement. The noise seems to stop in front of her door and her fingers wrap tightly around the handle of the glock inside her bag as she watches the door at full attention. The sound of a slight fizzing and then a spark has her aiming at the entrance as the door opens slowly. Her hands almost drop the gun as her brown eyes meet blue, the face of that blue eyed man now before her in the flesh. They stare at one another, neither quite daring enough to make a movement. Her gun is still trained on him and he stands with his hands held up to show he means her no ill will.

“May?” He says softly, questioningly with almost pleading eyes.

A frown creases her brow as he says that word. Something flashes through her mind, a memory too fleeting for her to catch a hold of.

“Who are you?” She demands lowly tightening her grip on the gun. “Why are you here?”

He swallows slowly as he thinks carefully over what he says next.

“My name is Phil Coulson. I knew you, before they took over your mind.”

_I knew him. He knew me. Wipe her._

Her body flinches as if she's been burned as the memory scorches her brain. They've met before, she and this man, on more than one occasion. The memory seems to hit a switch inside of her suddenly and she gasps as another memory makes itself known. She feels like a frozen steak tossed onto a sizzling pan as the memory fights it's way through her brain.

_Water is swirling over her head as she sinks down. It froths and foams about her as her body snags on hidden rocks and branches submerged in the raging river. The water is below freezing and her whole body is numb. If it weren't, she might feel the intense pain of her injuries but thankfully or unfortunately, she is obliviously unaware. All she knows is that she won't be able to withstand the cold much longer, let alone hold her breath til she can reach the surface for air once more._

“May!” His voice and the sound of heavy pounding boots tear her back into the present as they can both hear the approach of _them._

She doesn't know him, doesn't even know herself really, but he may be the key to discovering who she is. Zipping up her backpack she throws it over her shoulder as she stashes another magazine in one of the pockets of her cargo pants. He's watching her from the corner of his eye as he points his weapon at the door. It looks like a gun but it isn't like any gun that she's seen before. As he fires a shot at the first man through the door a blue flash is emitted from it with a muffled bang. Definitely not a gun she concludes as she approaches warily. He may be in some way related to her past, but that doesn't mean she trusts him. It feels like a mad dash as she slips past him and through the door into the hallway, gun firing as she took out the other two men on the floor. They both drop with heavy thuds and she can hear the static crackle as a voice calls over their two ways. Reinforcements will be on their way soon and she can't remain anywhere near here if she wants to live. Her feet seem to fly up the stairs as she runs quickly and quietly. As she looks back behind her she sees that damned blue eyed man running after her, panting a little at the pace. She can hear the sound of more feet running up the stairs below them as she increases the pace. Six men she counts, and four more coming towards them from above. _Them?_ Since when did she start thinking of herself and the blue eyed man as them. They are not a team. He is… Phil Coulson. Like that's supposed to mean something to her? She may have his name, if that is his name, but that doesn't mean that she knows who he is.

“I’ve got your back,” he tells her as if he can read the conflict warring in her mind.

To trust him, or not to trust him. Her options are rather limited at the moment and she’s stuck between a rock and a hard place. Nodding her head at him she decides to go with the lesser of two evils. He hasn’t done anything against her, _yet_ , so for now she’s going to trust him. She pretends not to see the small almost smile that he tries to hide. They’re surrounded by the enemy, trapped, and somehow he finds it within himself to want to smile. He must be insane, maybe she shouldn’t have trusted him.

This first men approach from above and she fires off a couple of shots sending one man over the edge of the stair railing and leaving another slumped against the wall staining it red. She can hear him behind her as he fires his own weapon. Advancing forwards she is suddenly pushed  back into the wall as a man flies at her down the stairs. The gun is flung from her hands as they crash into each other, he punches and she counters before landing an open palm to his jaw with her left arm sending him stumbling back. He falls, crashing into the man behind him and smashing his head down on a step.  Lying motionless on the floor she steps over him to grab the man crawling back behind him. Her hand almost tears his vest as she rips him up from the floor to look at his face. She squints for a moment but it’s a dead end as he suddenly starts frothing at the mouth. Dropping him in disgust she looks back to see the blue eyed man watching her. Turning away she continues heading up the stairs, kicking the door open at the top as they come out onto the roof. They’ve managed to eliminate the enemy for now, but the area is likely to be crawling with them.

“I’ve got a plane waiting for me,” he says quietly as she scans the roof top. “Where are you going to go?”

She stands with her back to him, not a smart move considering she doesn’t know whether he is trustworthy or not, but feels like she can trust him. There is a small part within her whispering that he is good.

_Point is, no matter what happens, I'll take care of you ... that's my plan._

_That is, without question, the sweetest, most selfless thing anyone has ever wanted to do for me. But I need you to forget all that... and kill me as ordered._

An anguished cry is torn from her lips as the memory is pulled from the depths of her consciousness, so deeply buried that it seems to disturb her entire being. Her legs give out as she crumples to the ground, pain spearing through her head as everything seems to dissolve into white noise. Her hands clutch at her head as she squeezes her eyes shut tight, she can’t make it stop.

It’s almost as if he is stuck, rooted to the ground as he watches her fall before him. She lets out a high pitched cry and it feels like his heart is shattering.

“May,” he calls taking slow careful steps towards her. “May.”

He wants to touch her but he isn't sure of how she'll react. Her mouth opens in a silent scream and he can't take it, can't bear to see her suffering before him. Scooping her up from the ground into his arms he cradled her body towards his chest. Her whole body seems to spasm as whatever mental episode rips it's way through her mind. Eyes rolling back into her head she falls limp in his arms as whatever it was seems to pass. He lets out a deep breath as he carries her towards his waiting quinjet, it's going to be okay now. He's got her, he’ll look after her.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update on schedule, hooray!! Please leave a comment and let me know about any thoughts, theories or feels that you may have. Comments are like free wifi, they bring joy to everyone!! So please, leave me a comment, bring me some joy :)


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's heartbreaking somewhat because as she lays there, curled into her side, she looks so much like his May. But it's impossible for him to forget the fact that his May is lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am actually so excited for this chapter. It's left me super pumped and I've already started the next one. I hope you guys enjoy!

It's quiet on the plane as they fly back to base. Melinda had awoken at some point during the flight, but her mind and body had been too exhausted to cope and she had fallen into a heavy sleep. He watches over her as she sleeps with a mixture of awe and nervousness. To finally have her back at his side, safe and alive is a relief that he thought he would never get. It's been far too long since he's had his partner, since he's had the gift of her company. He's missed her so much, too much for him to put into words. Refraining himself from touching her more than was extremely necessary is harder than he expected. She's not been with him more than a couple of hours and already his arms are yearning to have her back in them after having carried her from the roof to the plane. It's heartbreaking somewhat because as she lays there, curled into her side, she looks so much like his May. But it's impossible for him to forget the fact that his May is lost. The woman curled up next to him sleeping is not the same person that his partner was. She doesn't know him, he doubts whether she even knows herself.

Once they land he sits with her letting her sleep a couple more minutes whilst he has the hangar cleared out of other agents. She doesn't need an audience for her arrival, he knows how much May hates being the centre of attention. Making sure that he sits across from her clearly in her line of sight and showing that he is unarmed, he calls her name softly. Her eyelids flutter for a moment before they open and her eyes fall on him. There is a blankness in her eyes before fear and anger replace it as she springs into a defensive position rising from the stretcher she'd been laid upon. She seems to halt as he sits still making no movement towards or away from her. Her eyes glance warily around the room but she maintains the majority of her focus on him.

“It's just you and me in here,” he tells her soothingly.

Her eyes seem to assess him to try and make out whether he is telling the truth or not. Seeming to find something in him to make her believe his words he sees the ease in the tautness of her spine as she relaxes just slightly. It's enough though, enough to encourage him to go on.

“We're in the base of my agency. SHIELD.”

She barely blinks and it's almost impossible for him to get a read on any sort of a reaction from her.

“I want to help you,” he goes on filling the silence between them. “I can help you find out who you are.”

“Who says I can trust you?” She questions him quietly but firmly, a certain level of hostility still evident in the tone of her voice.

“Because I know you, and I'll take care of you. No matter what happens, I'll take care of you. That's my plan.”

His words trigger something inside her and it leaves her paralysed as the memory tears through her mind. Images flash before her eyes.

_She's standing in the cockpit of a plane holding a phone to her ear as he glares at her, anger and hurt flashing in his blue eyes. A voice crackles over the phone and her eyes widen in shock and confusion before bullets begin to rip through the front of the plane. The bullets ricochet off the interior, shattering through the glass of the windshield as they both duck down out of range. He pulls her body into his, shielding her from the bullets as he cradled the back or her head with his hand. They are so close his face is practically buried in her hair as she hides her face in the crook of his neck. She can smell his cologne as she inhales and his warmth against her is comforting, even if she can feel that he is unhappy with her at the moment. It doesn't matter though, because even if he is mad as hell at her, he won't ever let harm come to her if he can prevent it._

It leaves her gasping for breath as the memory finishes playing out. So far it is the longest and most detailed one that she's experienced. Not the most painful, but it's given her more on who she is and also who _he_ is. It's becoming somewhat apparent to her now that they were close if her feelings in the memory were anything to go by. Her past memories that she experienced didn't really give her any details of how she felt during those moments. It's frustrating in a way that she is only receiving these fragmented snippets of who she is with absolutely no control. She doesn't even know what order they go in right now. It's like skipping through all the different channels on a television and sometimes only having the audio or the visuals but rarely both and only seeing random parts of the shows. What's even worse is that she's not the one controlling the remote.

When she finally regains control of her faculties he's watching her with a concerned expression.

“They took my memories,” she says lowly, so quietly that he almost misses it.

The broken look in her eyes almost shatters him right then and there and it takes all his self control not to reach out to her physically, she's not ready for that yet.

“Let me help,” he whispers.

The silence between them feels like a delicate bubble ready to burst and is oddly nerve wracking yet slightly familiar.

Melinda always did seem to be the embodiment of silence.

Her hands clench tightly as she seems to war with herself in her mind. Should she accept his help? Well it's really a little too late to ask that now, he's already helped her far more than any regular person would. His blue eyes call to her, so familiar and yet so foreign. The emptiness inside her swirls like an endless void, calling for the warmth that she sees in his face for her.

“Help me,” she pleads in a whisper as a tear slips down her cheek.

The thin threads that had been holding what was left of her together now finally snapping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... tell me what you thought? My favourite part was the last bit when she asked him for help, just writing it! Oh the feels! I hope they hit you as hard as they did me. Please leave me a comment, let me know what you thought, your reaction. It's great to hear from you guys and it always helps to get some feedback after all the hard work and effort that I put in.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her hair falls forwards shrouding her face from his view and he can only imagine what she is going through. He know’s what it’s like to have your memories stolen, to have them replaced with something else but not knowing how to tear down the illustrious illusion.

It feels like a great weight has been removed from his shoulders as those two words reach his ears. She wants his help, she wants him to help her. Approaching her slowly he stops when he is only a foot away. He doesn’t want to over crowd her and intrude on her space, but he needs her to know that he is there for her. Literally and metaphorically. Tears track down her cheeks as quiet sobs wrack her body. Her hair falls forwards shrouding her face from his view and he can only imagine what she is going through. He know’s what it’s like to have your memories stolen, to have them replaced with something else but not knowing how to tear down the illustrious illusion. But to lose your whole identity, losing the very essence of who you are. It’s almost impossible for his mind to comprehend. He lost a fragment of himself when they brought him back from the dead, but she has lost her complete self, with no remnants of who she was left behind. Holding his hand out he waits patiently for her, he wants her to initiate contact first so she doesn’t feel like he’s trying to overwhelm her. They stand there together for a while as she tries to regain some composure and he remains there in support, letting her know that he is there. He's not sure how long it's been when he feels the lightest of touches on his hand. Their fingers are barely brushing but she is touching him all the same. Her brown eyes are red rimmed and tired but she looks at him with complete trust, something he thought he'd never see in her eyes again. Nodding her head at her he reads the question which she does not ask. He'll take her to a safe place, somewhere secure. 

They walk off the plane together into the empty hangar. Their fingers just barely holding each other he reads her body language for any signs of discomfort. As they enter the base the corridors are oddly quiet and absent of the usual hustle and bustle of agents. He can only assume that word has got around and they've all cleared out or made themselves scarce so as not to intrude on Melinda or scare her away. The silence between them as they walk is different. Tense, heavy almost suffocating in a way. There is so much he wants to say, so much he wants to tell her but he needs to be patient. The fact that she is letting him help her at all and not fighting her way out of the base is a miracle in itself. Unable to help himself he keeps glancing at her constantly. Her dark eyes are empty, drinking in her surroundings as she allows him to lead her. The irony is not lost on him, Melinda used to be the only person on the base who truly knew it inside and out, every hidden entrance and exit, every secret tunnel and passage. 

He brings her to one of the rooms designed for quarantine and inhumans. She still needs to be checked over by Simmons and her room was also sadly destroyed. He’s not sure how she’d take to seeing her room and just wants to ease her into remembering who she was- is slowly and carefully. The last thing he wants to do is cause her to snap and send her running. He’s going to take care of her.

The walls are pristine white as they enter the room. It’s clean and impersonal, clinical. She walks slowly around the room, inspecting every inch of it as he watches her hanging about the doorway. Since they entered the base she’s not said a word and he’s not quite sure where to go from here. Trailing her fingers over the bedspread she watches as her fingers leave indents in the fabric of the blankets. Finally, she looks up at him with lost brown eyes, a question desperate to leave her lips.

“What’s my name?” She asks finally, voice so quiet and small.

Her question hits him like he’s run full speed into a brick wall. The extent of Hydra’s control over her suddenly making itself shockingly clear. A violent rage fills him as he imagines what they did to her. He thought he knew how bad it was, he thought he could deal with the whole memory loss situation but this? He honestly has no idea how to deal with it all. He’s in way over his head now and he doesn’t know if his help alone will be enough for her.

“I-uh,” his mouth seems dry and he can’t seem to make his voice work properly as he struggles to come to terms with the extent of damage that has been done to her.

She’s still looking at him with those sad, lost brown eyes and he thinks he can feel his heart shattering into a thousand shards upon the floor.

“Melinda Qiaolian May,” he says quietly, trying to cover the emotions that desperately want to spill out.

Melinda needs him right now and he can’t fall to pieces in front of her. He has to be strong, needs to be her pillar of support. Her eyes flicker downwards as she tries to process his revelation. A name. She has a name.  _ Melinda. Melinda Qiaolian May. May.  _ It’s more information than she’s been able to find on herself in months. She can feel the prickling sensation of tears in her eyes as her entire body seems to slump in relief. Her legs crumple beneath her as she sits on the end of the bed on top of the pristine white blankets. She doesn’t have to do it all on her own now, doesn’t have to struggle through life not knowing who she is. He can help her,  _ Phil _ will help her.

_ “You know we have this stuff for a reason?” he interrupted her as he pulled some cotton swabs from the cabinet. _

_ He turned to her with a look that was equal parts exasperation and concern. Popping herself up on top of the table she winced slightly as the movement aggravated the wound on her shoulder. Gently, he applied the product as she hissed at the pain a little. His movements were precise, done with a practiced hand used to patching up various wounds,  _

_ “He get you anywhere else?” he asked causing her eyes to flicker up to his concerned face.  _

_ She smirked cockily at him letting out a scoff at his question. His gaze left a warm sensation within her and it was hard to ignore the slight increase in the usually calm beat of her heart. The feeling of his fingers lightly holding the gauze in place over her wound as he helped her shift her top back into place. She wanted to tell him how much he meant to her, needed him to know how important he was to her.  _

Her chest is heaving and she feels light headed as she is released from the memory. His blue eyes had looked at her with such affection and warmth. Looking up she can see him and those same blue eyes watching her. There is only a couple of feet between them but it feels like they are oceans apart. She’s still trying to understand who she is, trying to rediscover herself and come to terms with it all. She has no idea of who she is or who she was. She doesn’t know who he really is, doesn’t know who he is to her or what they mean to one another,  but there is still that same expression in his eyes. Love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a much calmer chapter I think, much more chill than the last couple that I posted. I hope you liked it and please leave a comment, feedback from you guys means a lot to me. A lot.


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her feet seem to move on autopilot as her mind buzzes with a thousand thoughts. Finally arriving at her destination she pauses outside the window of the room.

The amber liquid swirls in his glass as he lets out a sigh, hanging his head down so it rests on the counter.

“Hey,” Daisy says breaking his heavy silence as she enters the kitchen.

Raising his head up he looks at her tiredly. It’s hard to remember how long ago it’s been since he last slept.

“Hey,” he finally replies.

Taking a seat beside him she’s quiet as he takes a sip of his scotch.

“How is she?” she asks tentatively, guilt weighing heavily on her conscience.

“Sleeping,” he says quietly, voice a little rough.

She feels the telltale prickle of tears in her eyes and takes a deep breath to try and control her emotions. There’s a constant pressure on her chest reminding her of her failure. Everyone’s failure but Coulson. They’d all given up on May but he hadn’t. When everyone had thought he’d gone insane, when they had told him he was chasing after ghosts, they were the ones who were wrong. Coulson hasn’t let anyone else in to see May yet since they landed at the base. She understands, she does, they all do. He want to keep things easy for May, not overwhelm her with things she's not yet ready for. Just the knowledge that they have May back though, it feels like it has stopped raining down on them and the sun is finally starting to shine through. It wasn't until they lost May that they realised just how important she was to holding their team together, to keeping them safe. 

Looking over to Coulson she intends to ask him when he thinks that she might be able to see May when she realises that he's asleep. Head resting on top of his forearms with soft snores escaping him, she smiles a little at the sight. She'll leave him to sleep as he is though he'll probably wake with a stiff neck. Moving him now would only disturb him. Rising from her seat silently she exits the room. Her feet seem to move on autopilot as her mind buzzes with a thousand thoughts. Finally arriving at her destination she pauses outside the window of the room. Looking in she can see the harsh starkness of the white. Everything is white, making the small dark figure so much more prominent. She lies curled up beneath the white blankets, dark hair splayed across the white pillowcase. Swallowing down tears she lets out a slow exhale as she washes May sleep. She's not supposed to be down here, Coulson restricted all access to this part of the base but she needed to see her. To just confirm with her own two eyes that May is really alive. Her breath fogs up the glass of the window as she leans against it, her body sagging in relief. Just seeing May, alive, it brings so many emotions to the surface. Finally contented with witnessing May, she prepares to leave before she is stopped.

May whimpers in the other room, Russian words falling from her lips as she is tortured by her subconscious. Her body curls in on itself as she cries out. She thrashes for a moment before returning to her foetal position pleading softly in her sleep. The images in her mind taunt her as she lashes out, fist connecting with the headboard of the bed. Pain lances up her arm jerking her out of her disturbed sleep as the bed shakes slightly from the impact. Bolting upright she looks around the room wildly before recalling where she is. In that SHIELD base that Phil brought her to. Rubbing the knuckles of her right arm gently she checks the room over once more to make sure that she hadn't missed any hidden threats. As her eyes skim over the window she notices a young woman with her hands pressed against the glass staring straight at her. Brown eyes lock on brown and she feels like she knows those brown eyes. The pain and hope swimming in them is familiar. 

“ _ Not bad,” she commented getting up from the mats. “But once I'm pinned, you should try for a finishing blow.”  _

_ “You want full "Mortal kombat’?" the girl asked incredulously as she panted heavily. _

_ “I want you to stop holding back, Skye,” she looked at her meaningfully. One hit could be the difference between life or death. It was her job to make sure that the young woman before her would be able to make it through any situation that she may be faced with.  _

_ ‘I didn't want to hurt you,” the girl-Skye shrugged a little self consciously. “I didn't want to try to hurt you,” she corrected after seeing the look she was getting. “I feel like I'm constantly on the verge of... I don't know...” she trailed off sadly, lost for a moment.  _

_ “Look... we lost Trip, and it hurts like hell, but you can't shut those feelings out. Can't sustain that.” _

_ She was hurting a little too after the loss of their team mate but she needed to be strong for the younger woman. She cared too much about her to just let her suffer and try to struggle through her emotional turmoil alone. _

_ “Well, what's my option? I just lose it right here?” Skye challenged, expecting a negative response. _ _   
_ _ “We've talked about this. Control. Embrace your emotions, your nerves. Use them... on your terms.” _

_ She tried to help her in the only way she knew how to cope. Dealing with emotions had never been her strong suit but she was trying, she was trying really hard to help Skye.  _

_ “I don't know,” Skye sighed “what I'm feeling is pretty... dark. I'm afraid I'm gonna go postal and tear your head off.” _

_ “Go for it. I promise you won't,” she held her hands up in waiting, urging the girl to strike back. _

_ Soothing troubling emotions, she wasn’t so good at, but channeling them. That she could do. _

Those brown eyes are still staring at her as she slowly rises from the bed, the ground cold against her bare feet. Walking over to the window she looks back the girl, her palms still pressed up against the glass as if she is frozen unable to move away. Tentatively, slowly, May raises her right hand pressing it against the girls through the window. The girl’s eyes widen a fraction and she sees a tear roll down her cheek.

“Daisy,” the girl says softly as they stand there with their hands pressed together against the glass. 

The name doesn't seem to hold any meaning to May as she looks at her searchingly, like she is trying to rediscover who she is. 

“Skye,” the name falls from her lips unbidden. 

She hasn't used that name in months now and she realises that May never really knew her as Daisy. More tears begin to fall from her eyes as everything finally hits her at once. May looks at her with a slightly blank and confused expression as she watches the girl’s tears fall. 

_ Skye. _

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't sure if I was going to make the deadline for my update, but HOORAY!! I made it. Please leave a comment, I've been very unmotivated lately and lost a little of my writing inspiration so it would be great to hear from you guys.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taking a deep breath he enters the code to open the door and walks in, making just enough noise for May to be aware of his presence. She rests the photo album she was looking through in her lap as he walks in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Over 20 chapters!! Woohoo go me!! I hope you're enjoying this as much as I am.

The base is quiet as the two scientists potter over to the kitchen to start their day.

“I finished the prototype for the device for Caitlin,” Fitz tells his partner as they walk together.

Tiredly he rubs the sleep out of his eyes trying to wake up. He’d worked late into the night and just a couple more hours of sleep would be nice but he’d promised Jemma that they would have breakfast together.

“Oh Fitz, that’s wonderful,” Jemma smiles at him proudly.

He smiles back, just happy to be spending some quiet time with her, just the two of them together as the rest of the base sleeps.

“Oh,” Jemma stops as they enter the kitchen, looking at Coulson’s form slumped over the kitchen counter.

“Should we let him sleep?” Fitz asks whispering closely in her ear.

She looks at the Director for a moment with a small little smile.

“I think we should wake him,” she replies softly, “the base will be waking up soon and I’m pretty sure he’ll want to be up before then.”

He nods besider her as they tentatively approach Coulson.

“Sir?” Jemma asks softly as she places a hand on his shoulder.

He starts abruptly looking around before he realises it’s just him, Jemma and Fitz.

“You fell asleep in the kitchen Sir,” Jemma smiles at him softly.

“Ugh,” he rubs at his neck tenderly, “I can feel it.”

Fitz grins a little amusedly beside his partner.

“What time is it?” Coulson asks as he slowly rises from his seat.

“Just after six,” Jemma answers.

He seems to pause for a moment before looking at them sharply.

“Shit,” he mutters softly before striding towards the door. “Ah Simmons,” he calls stopping in the doorway for a moment.

She turns to face him with a small questioning smile.

“Can you come down to check out May for me later?”

His eyes showing his worry for their once thought dead team mate.

“Of course,” she reassures him with a soft look. “Go see her,” she nods her head towards the door knowing how desperately he want’s to get back to May’s side right now.

He nods back in return with a quick appreciative smile before disappearing out the door on his way to May’s room.

“It’s great that he brought May back,” Fitz says quietly beside her as she rest her head back on his shoulder.

“Yes, but at what cost?” she turns her head to look at him, eyes filled with heaviness beyond her years.

* * *

He slows his pace as he enters the hallway to her room. The base is quiet and he’s not sure if she will be awake yet. Silently he walks up to her room, only to pause for a moment as he finds Daisy’s form sitting on the floor leaning against the wall facing May’s room. The young woman’s hair falling on her face as she sleeps and he can’t help the small smile that curves his lips up. He knew it was going to be nigh impossible to keep Daisy away from seeing May but her eagerness to see her former SO still warms his heart. Taking a deep breath he enters the code to open the door and walks in, making just enough noise for May to be aware of his presence. She rests the photo album she was looking through in her lap as he walks in.

“Hi,” he smiles at her.

“Hi,” she watches him carefully as he walks further into the room resting on the edge of the table against the wall.

“Are you hungry?” he asks holding his hands awkwardly as he attempts to get her to open up a little.

She shakes her head at him, continuing to watch him silently.

“Sleep alright?” he tries, struggling with how to deal with the situation.

A brief flicker of something flashes across her eyes before they track over to the window.

“Skye,” the way she says the girl’s name as if it were a foreign word pulls at his heart a little. “We were close?” she asks.

“You were her SO,” he nods, “you made her into an agent.”

A small frown crinkles her brow as she thinks over his words.

“SO?”

He mentally berates himself for forgetting that she’s forgotten practically everything that the former Melinda knew.

“Supervising officer,” he explains. “She was your trainee.”

Nodding her head in understanding he lets out a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding.

“So I was hoping,” he starts a little nervously, “if you feel comfortable with it. Maybe we could give you a medical check?”

She chews her bottom lip as she thinks over his request. The action reminds him of the old habit Melinda used to have in the Academy of chewing her lip when she was nervous or stressed, it brings a small smile to his lips as he thinks perhaps his Melinda is still inside somewhere deep down.

“Ok,” she says finally, “but here, not in a lab.”

* * *

 She watches them warily as the two scientists creep into the room. The girl has a small reassuring smile as she approaches but the boy looks slightly fidgety.

“I’m just going to take some blood,” the girl, Simmons Phil said she was called.

A slight nod of her head is all she gives in response. Tentatively, Simmons comes forwards, hands gently placing a strap around her right arm as she brings out a needle and some vials. She takes her blood quickly and efficiently, minimizing any negative memories that the process might bring.

“Do you mind if I just assess your left arm,” the boy, Fitz asks.

Again, she nods maintaining her silence. His hands run over the cool metal of her arm, marvelling at its master craftsmanship.

“Remarkable,” he breathes to himself as he becomes absorbed studying its mechanics. “Simmons, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything quite like this before.”

His partner comes closer to inspect her arm.

“My, Fitz it's…”

Her mind zones out as the two scientists ramble on. Their chatter and matching looks with one another as they communicate with their own language pulls a memory forth from the depths of her consciousness.

_She looks over at the two scientists, sitting so sadly together, backs to each other through the glass of the door._

_“Simmons believes she contracted the virus approximately 36 hours ago when she received an electrostatic shock from the first victim.” Phil says drawing their sad looks away from the pair._

_“How much time does she have?” The young girl Skye asks, her worry for her friends evident on her face._

_“Based on when the firemen were infected, how quickly their symptoms manifested... two hours at most.” Phil replies, voice heavy with the weight of authority resting on his shoulders as he struggles between the hard decision that’s to come._

_“That's enough time, right?” Skye questions hopefully,  “I mean, S.H.I.E.L.D. has dozens of labs and scientists working on this thing, don't they?”_

_She watches them all silently, knowing all too well what it’s like to have to make the hard call. Life has made her not able to simply hope for the best and believe that everything will work out alright. That’s not how life works, she knows that. But she has to admit that she is rooting for those two scientists’, if anyone can pull through this it’s them._

_“They do,” Phil answers before turning to her.  “How soon can you get us on the ground?”_

_“Three hours,” she states hating the fact that she can’t do anything to make the situation better, can’t fix it. “Our path to the Sandbox has us right in the middle of the Atlantic.”_

_“Sir, correct me if I'm wrong, but if we can't land in time…” the man beside her trails off as the inevitable outcome of the situation dawns on them all._

_“Simmons will release a pulse that will blow this plane right out of the sky,” Phil finishes for him saying what they’re all trying hard not to think about._

_“We can't just sit here and watch her die,” Skye interjects, her desperation for her friend shining through. “We have to do something.”_

_“There's only one person on this plane capable of finding a solution for this, and I'm willing to bet my life that she will.”_

_Phil looks over his shoulder sadly, pain clear in his eyes as he blames himself for the position that his young team member has found herself in._

_“She's just a kid,” she says quietly, her heart going out to the young woman and her friend sitting together but apart, through the doors of the lab._

“May? May?” Simmons’ voice calls her as she resumes full consciousness.

Blinking slowly she tries to regain her bearings as Simmons holds her shoulder gently and Fitz watches on a little nervously. Phil is standing by the side of her bed with a small worried frown marring his features.

“I- You almost died,” she turns to Simmons.

“You fainted May,” Simmons says soothingly. “We lost you there for a minute.”

“You were infected,” she whispers almost to herself. “I was so worried about you.”

Tears build up in the young woman’s eyes, and for some reason it makes her want to comfort her.

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A longer chapter this week, but I've been neglecting all my other stories. I've just lost a bit of inspiration and I've written little bits here and there for the different chapters of different stories but I'm a bit stuck. This one is by far the easiest to write. Please leave me a comment, I tried writing Fitzsimmons a little because I know how much the fandom loves them so feedback please!!


	22. Chapter 22

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The memory of the sound of May's pained cries ringing in her ears as she had suffered another onslaught of memories forcing their way into her conscious mind. The sound haunts her and she wishes that there was something she could do to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided I better update after I skipped last week so here it is. Enjoy :)

His hand paused leaving the beer bottle halfway to his lips as the team walked into the common room.

“Hey! How'd everything go?” Hunter asked eagerly placing his bottle down on the table. 

Daisy had a sad look in her eyes and Jemma looked close to tears. Bobbi threw him a warning look beside him and he resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He was a grown man, he knew how to handle a serious situation. Mack cleared his throat sitting on a chair opposite him.

“Fitz?” He asked as the engineer plonked down on the lounge next to Simmons. 

“I can't believe we gave up on her,”Daisy whispered to herself breaking the suffocating silence that had filled the room. 

“Nobody knew,” Bobbi tried to soothe her. 

“But that's what we did,” Daisy said more strongly this time. “We gave up on May when she needed us the most. We left her for dead in the hands of Hydra where they tortured her and brainwashed her! We abandoned one of our own,” she cried in anger at herself sounding close to hysterical. 

The memory of the sound of May's pained cries ringing in her ears as she had suffered another onslaught of memories forcing their way into her conscious mind. The sound haunts her and she wishes that there was something she could do to help. 

“It's not our fault though,” Bobbi attempted to soothe her. “It's none of our faults. This is all on Hydra.”

“But who left her for dead?” Daisy shot back set on carrying the blame. “If it wasn't for us she would never have been in that position.”

“I think we should all just relax for a moment,” Hunter interrupted trying to diffuse the tension. 

“Well we can't bloody relax can we?” Fitz piped up. “Not when May's suffering the way she is and it's resting on all our consciences.”

“Mate, what happened isn't something that we could've known about,” Hunter replied. “And now that we do know we will do all we can to help.”

“You didn't see her,” Simmons said quietly refusing to look up from her hands. “That wasn't the May we knew. I've never seen her so… Broken.”

Her statement seemed to calm the tension in the room and they all fell into a heavy silence once again. Everyone seemed to be in their own world of contemplation as no one looked at one another. It was difficult to remember a time when they as a team had ever felt this sort of conflict. Even when Bobbi and Mack had revealed themselves to be a part of the ‘real SHIELD’ it hadn’t felt as bad as this. Regardless of what Bobbi and Hunter said, they were all feeling the blame. It was hard not to think that perhaps if they had sent more backup or searched a little bit harder or a little bit longer for May, none of this would have happened. Even if it wasn’t there fault, they still all felt terrible about what had happened. Seeing one of their own suffer, in some ways it was worse than seeing them die.

* * *

 

Walking back from May’s temporary room, Coulson stopped by the common room. The team was silent and it was hard not to see the pained and upset expressions on their faces.

“Hey,” he called as he walked in looking around at them. “What’s going on?”

Daisy let out a deep breath through her nose as a couple of heads looked up at him.

“How’s May?” she asked.

“She’s resting, the whole experience of this all has take a lot out of her,” he answered with a tilt of his head. “Do you know how long it’s going to take for her to fully recover?” he turned to Simmons.

The young scientist looked at him clearly upset. 

“I don’t even know if she will ever fully recover,” she stated with a clear not of distress in her voice. “Her memories have been tampered with to a severe degree, her whole mentality has been reprogrammed. To make a complete and full recovery would be a miracle.”

Fitz rubbed her arm comfortingly as she struggled with her feeling of hopelessness.

“Is there anything we can do that could help?” Bobbi asked trying to find some sort of solution to help their friend.

“Well we don’t know really,” Jemma answered. “SHIELD hasn’t ever really dealt with a case of mental conditioning this severe before.”

“Captain America got his friend back right though?” Hunter joined in. “Surely we have something.”

“It would be risky and irresponsible to try something that we aren’t sure of in terms of outcomes,” Jemma told him with a look. 

“And even if we did have something, most of SHIELD’s equipment was taken during the Hydra overthrow. So if we had something, we don’t have it now,” Bobbi added giving Hunter a pointed look as well.

“Are there any other options though?” Coulson asked trying to maintain some semblance of calm in the group. He was their leader, the Director, he needed to set an example and try and provide the stability that his team needed.

“Can you make something Fitz?” Daisy asked the engineer.

“I- it would be difficult to say and I wouldn’t want to use something that hasn’t been tested,” he said shrugging his shoulders to try and remove the pressure that had fallen on him from Daisy’s request.

“We don’t want to make the situation worse,” Mack agreed sending Fitz a reassuring look.

“But we can’t do nothing!” Daisy cried exasperated.

Sitting around talking just felt like they were moving around in circles. Every possible idea always seemed to lead back to the same base issue. They didn’t know if it would work or if it would make May’s condition worse. Everyone was feeling the need to do something, but what they just didn’t know yet.

“Maybe I could help?” a new voice asked from the doorway attracting everyone’s gaze. 

Biting her lip nervously the young inhuman - Caitlin, stepped into the room.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am really exhausted at the moment because life has been really busy and I've been doing a lot of sport. Receiving some comments from you guys would really boost my energy though so please leave a comment. I did have a case of writers block before so some idea from you guys would be awesome. Ooh, also I brought back that inhuman I created earlier in the story!! Did any of you guys see that coming? Yeah, she's going to be kind of important from now on. [she's the one that has the telepathic powers just in case you forgot who she was, it's been a while since I mentioned her ;) ] Please let me know what you think and if you have anythings that you would like to happen, I'm always open to suggestions.


	23. Chapter 23

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time to come up with a plan of action.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been a really long time since I updated. Life's just been really busy and I've been exhausted and not well so yeah. I also have exams in 3 weeks so updates may take a while. I was a little uninspired but thank you to my friend that commented asking where the update was, you kicked my butt back into gear and so I produced this chapter. Enjoy :)

Fitz steps back slowly as he finishes adjusting the device on Caitlin’s head. The inhuman sits there looking at him just a little nervously as the team stands off to the side watching on curiously and anxiously.

“Try tuning into my thoughts,” he tells placing his hands on his hips with a slight crinkle in his brow.

She closes her eyes for a moment, centering herself before concentrating on entering the engineer’s mind. Everything around her fades as she is enveloped in a bubble of quiet, her consciousness seeking out his. Focusing on him alone, she begins to hear the quiet whisperings of his mind. It’s almost like listening to music with noise cancelling headphones, all she can hear is the music of his mind. Sifting through the irrelevant chatter she finds one of the constant thoughts circulating his mind.  _ Jemma.  _

“You're thinking about Jemma,” she states matter of factly as she retracts herself from his consciousness. 

“Uhh… Right,” Fitz blushes just a little avoiding the eyes of the team watching. “How did it feel, did you have more control over your powers?”

She nods in affirmation. 

“It was easier to focus and I could block out the chatter from everyone else's minds much more easily.”

“Great,” he claps his hands together looking over at the team. 

They've still got an important decision to make, one that could quite possibly hold May’s chances of a full recovery in the balance. Coulson seems to stare at Caitlin for what feels like eons, his mouth a firm line, arms crossed tightly over his chest. 

“Simmons,” he finally says breaking the heavy silence of the room. “What are the possibilities of this causing more harm to May?”

She wrings her hands just a little. 

“Well…” She starts as she checks off Fitz’s vitals. “There doesn't seem to be any adverse affects, but I would like to run some brain scans first.”

Coulson nods in agreement. 

“Do the scans them get back to me.”

She nods before ushering Fitz off so she can scan his brain, leaving the rest of the team with the young inhuman. 

“So what happened to your friend,” Caitlin speaks up as Fitzsimmons leave. 

Coulson turns to look at her with a searching gaze as if trying to find some sort of ulterior motive. 

“She was brainwashed,” he states putting in a bit of effort to maintain a cool and level voice. 

She quiets at that. It makes her feel guilty of the fact that she can read and control the minds of others, bend their wills to suit her own. Using her powers to help herself a little hadn't been something that she was completely averse to before, but she'd never really thought about how it might've felt for those on the other end of her powers. Brainwashing someone is not something that she's ever done, though it's likely that she does have the ability. Seeing its effects though, it makes her promise to herself never to brainwash someone, rewriting their entire person.

“I'm sorry,” she says quietly after a prolonged moment. 

She doesn't really know what else to say. What does one say to someone who has lost their friend to mind control? I hope they get their mind back? His pain is evident to her, even without her powers she'd be able to detect it. All of the team is hurting she can sense. They must really care about this friend. 

They sit there in the lab with silence surrounding them. Coulson is glued to the computer screen showing the cameras monitoring May's room. His concern obvious to anyone, it almost heartbreaking to see him struggling with his feeling of helplessness. He and May have been partners for a long time, and friends for even longer. They've always been there for one another and she's always had his back. She was there, watching out for him even when he thought she wasn't, when he was mean and unreasonable. She was there for him even when it broke her heart to face the prospect of killing him, though he had alien blood within him driving him insane. Throughout it all her belief in him, her faith and her loyalty had never wavered. Now it was his turn. His turn to bring her home. His turn to watch out for her and keep her safe. She is his girl after all, and he'll do anything to protect her. Seeing her small, curled up form as she sleeps in the too big bed makes him yearn to hold her tight in his arms and whisper in her ear promises that everything will be alright. What he wouldn't give to do just that.  

“The scans are clear,” Simmons says as she and Fitz finally return after what feels like an age. 

Everyone in the room seems to pick up at the words of the young scientist, and suddenly there is a new feeling in the room. A new energy infusing into everyone. Hope. 

“So we can use the device then right?” Daisy asks the question on everyone’s mind.

Simmons looks a little sceptical.

“From what the results have been so far, I would say yes… But it’s impossible to tell if Caitlin entering May’s mind would even have any benefit at all.”

“But it could work right?” Coulson says.

“Well, yes,” she confirms, “there is the possibility that it could help her regain her memories.”

“Then what are we waiting for?” Hunters asks standing up from his seat.

“The device or the entire process itself could have repercussions that we don’t yet know about,” Fitz stated.

“Especially since May’s been brainwashed as well,” Simmons pointed out, “We don’t know if any sort of significant damage has been done to her mental wiring, which could have an effect on the outcome.”

“But there is still the chance that it could have no side effects right?” Mack asks.

Simmons nods her head in confirmation.

“Theoretically yes, and from what we’ve gathered from the testing so far, it could work and have no adverse effects.”

“And the chances of it working without negative side effects?” Bobbie questioned.

“It could go either way,” Simmons raised her hands as she struggled to show any real solid evidence to support the method either way. “It’s a fifty fifty chance.”

They all stand their locked in a tense silence as they struggle to decide whether to use the device and Caitlin’s powers or not. May’s future and chances of regaining herself weighing heavily on all of them. It’s ultimately up to Coulson though, him being director after all as well as the one closest to May. If any of them were to know what to do, it would be him. He stands there motionless as an internal battle wages in his mind. He wants to help her, but he also doesn’t want to cause her more harm.

“We’ll try it,” he says finally breaking the silence.

If there is ever any chance that he can help save one of their own, he’ll take it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look! I even put in some Fitzsimmons for you guys. Please leave a comment and let me know what you think. It gives me energy and inspiration; something that I really need right now :)


	24. Chapter 24

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The door slides open with a quiet swoosh as he unlocks it. Stepping into the room he gains her attention, her head lifting up to look at him across the room.  
> “Melinda,” he says carefully as he takes a couple of steps towards her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I know... updates haven't been very regular lately. Life. That is my excuse. Also I'm in the middle of exams right now so I've timed this update to hopefully keep you guys from waiting too long. Enjoy :)

He walks up to her room with a nervous energy buzzing in his veins. The others are waiting for him back in the lab for him to give the signal for the plan to go ahead. With Coulson being the person that May was most comfortable with, it was obvious that he should be the one to approach her about the plan. The door slides open with a quiet swoosh as he unlocks it. Stepping into the room he gains her attention, her head lifting up to look at him across the room.

“Melinda,” he says carefully as he takes a couple of steps towards her.

She looks up from the paper in her hands as she sets it aside. He pauses for a moment as he takes in the origami horses surrounding her on the bed. It would be cute if it were under different circumstances.

She blinks before answering him, “Phil.”

He takes a couple of small steps towards her. She’d always been quiet before, and even quieter after Bahrain, but now it was on a whole other level. Some days he was lucky if she even uttered a word when he came to see her.

“How are you feeling?” he asks coming in a bit closer.

“As well as can be,” she states resting back against the headboard of the bed.

“Have you had any more…”

She shakes her head in answer.

“No new memories.”

He tips his head in acknowledgement, “ah.”

They fall into silence, not quite comfortable but not quite awkward. Tense. His eyes fall back down to the elaborate origami horses decorating the bed as she sits still, body held taught.

“We have something that might help you regain your memories,” he says quietly, nervous about breaking the silence of the room.

Her eyes flick up to him, questioning and slightly wary.

“How?” she asks.

Clearing his throat he explains the plan to her.

“One of my agents that you met earlier, Fitz, he has designed a device which will enable one of our inhumans, Caitlin, to hopefully assist you in regaining your memories by unlocking certain parts of your mind.”

“Inhuman?”

“They’re people with extraordinary gifts, capable of things ordinary humans couldn’t possible be able to do.”

“What’s her power? The inhuman?”

“Caitlin’s power is related to the mind, she can read minds and manipulate thoughts.”

A hard look flashes across May’s face as she takes in Phil’s words.

“No,” she states firmly.

Her mind has already been tampered with enough, she doesn’t want anyone else getting inside her head. Nothing good can result from altering someone’s mind.

“No?” Coulson asks a little puzzled.

He honestly thought that this was going to be a success. They all just wanted to help May and it wasn’t like there were many options for them at the moment.

“No,” she confirms, “I don’t want anybody else getting inside my head.”

Realisation dawns on him, eyes widening a fraction as he realises how thoughtless they’d been. Of course May wouldn’t want anybody else to get inside her head. Not with how Hydra ruined her completely by doing it. A guilty feeling settles in his stomach as he can’t believe that they completely overlooked the fact. How could he have been so blind? In his eagerness to help her he had been blindsided and neglected to think about the possibility of her not wanting to go along with their plan. His hand fidgets just a little nervously as he shifts, unsure of what exactly he should do now. The hair escaped from her ponytail falls over her face as she stares down at the bedspread, hands together neatly in her lap.

* * *

“She doesn’t want to do it? Does she?” Bobbi asks as she walks into the lab, reading the answer off of his face.

He shakes his head in defeat, rejection making his shoulder heavy.

“Should have seen it coming,” he states, “she doesn’t want anyone being able to get inside her head.”

“But how are we going to help her?” Daisy asks standing from her seat.

“We let her do it her way,” Coulson shrugs, “I don’t want to lose her trust and we need to respect her wishes.”

“Coulson’s right,” Mack says getting to his feet. “We let May do it her way.”

Fitz fidgets with a tool in his hand as the group talk about what to do and what not to do next.

“What if she doesn’t get better though?” Daisy asks, not satisfied with doing nothing.

“Then we’ll deal with that as it comes,” Coulson says tiredly.

There really isn’t much that they can do for May right now. What she needs is for them to respect her wishes and just be there, which is something he is willing to do. After having her will ripped away from her, he can only imagine the fear that she might have that it will be taken away from her again.

“Everyone will respect May’s wishes and do not do anything that will make her feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable,” he states looking at each team member.

They nod at him in acknowledgment, even if some of them are unhappy with not being able to help in some way. The silence in the room is heavy, filled with words that want to be said and feelings that demand to be expressed, but they all bottle it up. Instead nodding their heads in agreement as a sufficient outlet of emotion. Splitting up the team leaves the lab, the weight of the situation seeming to drag their heads down. Leaning back against one of the benches, Coulson sighs heavily to himself pinching the bridge of his nose. Closing his eyes for a moment he can feel his exhaustion, both physically and emotionally, compounded and leaving him drained.

* * *

 A light flashes on the camera, illuminating the room red for a moment before it flashes off again. Crackling to life, the sound of slow even breathing fills the room.

_“23.”_

She bolts up from the bed, eyes snapping open and assessing the room as she is suddenly awake.

_“Lighter. 17.”_

The Russian words drip from the speakers in the room like water from a tap with a loose faucet. Her hands clamp over her ears as she tries to block the voice out. She will not succumb to them. She will not comply.

_“Night. Red.”_

She can feel herself slipping, the frail tendrils of control that she had regained now slipping through her fingers. A terrified scream leaving her lips as she tries to block out the voice, frightened of losing her control over herself once again.

_“Smoke. 12. Periphery.”_

Her breathing turns rapid and her screams quiet down into soft whimpers. It feels like all the energy is being drained from her body, her will to fight diminishing with each second. She can’t keep up the battle.

_“Bridge.”_

Slowly her hands drop from her head as she stills and quiets.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So that's a bit of a cliff hanger...  
> Please leave a comment, let me know what you thought, any reaction, theories or ideas.... Please?  
> I won't be able to update for a week at least due to my exams at the moment so I won't be able to write the next chapter until next week. Sorry, but that's life I guess. I like exams about as much as you guys do. Please help me get through them with my sanity by dropping a comment ;)


	25. Chapter 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson deals with a situation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for having left this story so long without updates. I haven't abandoned it however so please don't give up on me, I'm just having a really busy year and this will mean that my updates will be less regular. Anyway, please enjoy this chapter, you might need to read the previous one as a refreshers since I've left is so long between updates :P

The alarm flashing alerts him that something is wrong. Checking their security systems he finds an external server using a backdoor to gain entrance, hacking into their computer systems.

“Uh, Daisy,” he calls the other agent on his phone as his fingers dance over the keyboard madly trying to see what the hack had affected.

“Fitz?” she replied groggily on the other end of line.

“We’ve been hacked,” he states as his eyes scan through the code scrolling down his screen.

“I’ll be down in a sec,” she tells him before hanging up and hurrying out of her room to the lab.

A frown knits his brow together as he finds that they hacked into the intercom system. What would be the point of that? At the sound of Daisy stumbling into the lab he looks up to see her rubbing her eyes. Glancing over at the clock he realises how late it is and he must've woken her up. 

“What’s happened?” she asks moving over to the computer and taking a seat in his chair.

“Uh, the servers have been infiltrated. Someone’s taken over our intercom system apparently,”  he answers standing behind her, a hand rubbing the back of his neck a little nervously.

She goes quiet, the only sound of the keyboard clicking filling the room as she tries to find and solve the problem.

“Check the surveillance footage,” she tells him without looking away from the screen.

He’s moving before she’s even finished speaking and the feed from their surveillance cameras  pops up on his screen next to Daisy’s. Looking at the footage he can’t seem to spot anything abnormal, until a brief flicker in the footage of one of the cameras catches his hand. Re-watching to footage again, a chill settles down his spine as the camera zooms in on May’s temporary room.

“We need to call Coulson,” he touches Daisy’s arm.

Peering over at his screen, her eyes widen as she sees what’s happened. This is not good.

Within minutes Coulson appears in the lab after their hurried call, surprisingly looking like he hasn’t slept at all. Well not surprising actually, the man has been so stressed and worried about his partner lately, though they are surprised that he hasn’t just passed out from exhaustion yet. His posture states that he is alert and ready, but his face and eyes tell of just how tired and drained he is.

“What happened?” he asks, voice firm.

“Somebody hacked our system and accessed the intercom. It appears that they were targeting May sir, and…” Fitz tapes off not quite sure of how to tell him about what’s happening with May.

“And?” Coulson prompts, a spark of anger glinting in his eyes.

“There is a situation with May,” Daisy jumps in as Fitz struggles to find the right words. “They may have triggered her brain washing or whatever. She’s not in a good way, potentially hostile.”

Coulson stands there for a moment without saying a word, jaw and fists clenching in anger. Hasn’t Melinda been through enough already?! He should have protected her better. Whoever did this is going to pay. Turning on his heel he exits the room leaving Daisy and Fitz behind him, a little stunned and unsure of what to do. Their experienced agents, he trusts that they’ll be able to deal with the problem whilst he does what he needs to. Walking towards Melinda’s room, footsteps echoing in the deserted halls, he appears calm and collected but he feels like he’s drowning in a sea of uncertainty. If Melinda has reverted back to how things were before… He doesn’t know if he will be able to bring her back a second time. He’ll try though. He’ll be damned if he gives up on his partner now. She needs him. Taking a deep breath as his hand hovers over the control panel of her door, he tries to prepare himself for whatever may be on the other side. Opening the door slowly, he steps inside and only from his extensive experience as an agent is he prepared for the well aimed blow to his head. Blocking May’s right arm with his, he winces a little at the jarring impact. She lashes out with her left arm and he blocks her again. His bionic hand is struggling to hold her back as the technology of her left arm seems to surpass his own. It’s stronger, more durable, and it feels like she is absolutely crushing his hand.

“May!” He grunts out her name as his arm shakes with the effort of restraining her. 

His eyes lock onto her own dark ones, they're wild and scared. Flitting all over his face as if trying to calculate what to do next. 

“Melinda listen to me,” he goes on when a third attack doesn't come. “They're messing with your mind. This isn't you.”

Her brow is knitted into a frown and her mouth is drawn in a firm line. 

“I know you Melinda,” his voice is softer now, a gentle lilting tone as he pleads with his eyes for her to remember. To break free from the prison encasing her mind. “You're a protector Melinda. Not this.”

Something flickers in his eyes and he hopes that maybe he is getting through to her. 

“I think you know that too,” he states as he feels her easing her force against his arm a little. She's fighting this! He knows it. His girl is so strong. “I think you know what the truth is Melinda. Fight this. Come back to me.”

Her eyes widen at his words as she gasps, her body falling slack as she crumples to the ground. Rushing forwards, he catches her before she hits the ground. 

“I've got you, I've got you,” he repeats over and over as she sobs into his shoulder. Rubbing a hand over her back in soothing circles her rests his cheek against the top of her head, arms wrapped around her securely. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soo... maybe drop me a comment or something? Let me know what you think...


	26. Chapter 26

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When feelings come bubbling to the surface they'll deal with it together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update, hooray! Happy Easter guys! Here's a little Easter gift from me to you. Read and enjoy :)

She wakes feeling overly warm and with a pounding headache. Her mouth is dry and her throat is scratchy, causing her to groan a little at the pain as she swallows thickly. Slowly opening her eyes, she squints a little as they adjust to the dim lighting of the room. Suddenly she realises where the extra warmth was coming from and freezes for a moment as she takes in the man lying beside her on her bed, with her hand gripping tightly to the front of his shirt. He has one arm bent and pillowed under his head, the other slung loosely over her waist. For the first time though, the physical contact doesn't set her on edge. Strangely, she doesn't feel the urge to run or separate herself from this man. Instead she takes the time to study his features, almost as if by staring at him she will remember all that she's lost. There is a small frown between his brows, something that seems like it shouldn't be when she takes in the smile lines around the corners of his eyes. Almost without thinking, she reaches out her hand allowing her fingertips to trace lightly along his jaw. A strong jawline she thinks to herself as she feels the slight prickle of stubble beneath the pads of her fingertips. His eyes flicker open as if awoken by her touch and she stills like a deer caught in the headlights as his blue eyes watch her. 

“Hey,” he says softly, voice barely above a whisper and still rough with sleep. 

She stares at him, as if worried that by speaking she will ruin the illusion of calm in this moment. 

“Phil?” She finally responds, so quiet and unsure, eyes searching his for confirmation. 

He smiles at her, a soft look forming on his face as his name falls from her lips. 

“I thought I'd lost you again,” he tells her with such emotion in his voice she feels a lump form in her chest. 

It all suddenly comes crashing down on her as the events of last night assault her mind. Suddenly she can't look at him without feeling shame and guilt, and retracts her hand from his cheek as she curls her body into herself. 

“Hey hey hey, it’s ok,” he tries to comfort her as she pulls away from him. 

It only causes her tears to fall from her eyes as she refuses to look at him. 

“It's not your fault,” he tells her hoping she can see the truth in his words. “It's not your fault.”

A short sob escapes her, causing her thin shoulders to shake. 

“Melinda, Melinda look at me,” he asks her on the edge of pleading. “Just look at me Melinda. It wasn't your fault. Listen to what I'm saying. It wasn't your fault Melinda. It. Wasn't. Your. Fault.” 

He's not quite sure what to do with his hands. He so desperately wants to touch her, hold her in his arms and let her know that he's here for her, comfort her in anyway that he can. But there is also that other part within him that is wary of how she might react to the physical contact. He doesn't want to run the risk of upsetting her further when he's not sure of how she’ll react. So he just keeps repeating his words, needs her to know that none of this is her fault. All he wants is to get through to her, let her know that she isn’t alone. They stay like that for god knows how long, her quiet sobs had stopped a while ago, and honestly he’d thought she’d fallen asleep when he hears her voice, raspy and soft, still thick with tears.

“Don’t leave me. Please.”

It makes him want to smile and cry all at once. The relief at her words rushes over him and he can’t help himself from shifting closer to her.

“Never,” he tells her with such conviction in his voice, “I will never leave you.”

He feels her tremble against him as a fresh wave of tears start. Almost as if seeking protection, she moves in closer against him until she is pressed tightly against his side. Holding an arm around her protectively, he swallows down his own tears because Melinda needs him to be the strong one right now. There is a growing wet patch on his shirt from her tears but he couldn’t care less. Melinda is in his arms, asking him for help, and after everything she’s been through she still trusts him enough to do that. Tracing soothing patterns across her back with the arm wrapped around her, he feels her body relax as she slowly falls asleep. After last night’s and this morning’s emotional rollercoaster he is absolutely exhausted and can only imagine how Melinda would be feeling. Not long after she falls asleep, he feels his own eyes slipping shut. Holding her against him just a little tighter, he finally succumbs to sleep knowing that Melinda is held safely in his arms. 

 

_ The metallic tang of blood sits in the back of her throat as she hobbles out of the building, arm slung across his shoulders as he carries some of her weight. _

_ “I-I couldn’t save her,” her voice breaks as her eyes dart all over his face as if she might find the answer to her heartbreak there. “I… She didn’t understand. I tried.” _

_ The tears are running down her cheeks mixing with the blood that’s smeared there too. _

_ “It’s alright,” he looks at her with pain in his eyes as he struggles to help her see that she did the right thing. “You have to let the girl go, Melinda. Let the girl go.” _

_ She looks at him, so broken and distraught, he can feel his own heart breaking for her. Then it’s like the dam breaks and suddenly she’s sobbing and the tears are rushing down her cheeks as he holds her tightly against his chest. Breathing in deeply she can still smell his familiar scent that used to soothe her so before. _

_ “Okay, okay. We’ll get through this,” he tells her as she cries into his shirt, staining it with her blood and tears. _

_ His arms wrap around her, his cheek pressed against the top of her head as he cradles her close to him like she is precious, like she is something worthwhile.  _

 

As if knowing even in sleep that she is safe in his arms, she moves even closer to him, head tucked under his chin and one hand gripped tightly to the front of his shirt. It’s almost as if a small piece of her has clicked into place. A lost piece of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please leave a comment, let me know what you thought :)


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hurt before the healing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I feel like I haven't updated in ages. Luckily this one is a little longer. I've been on an unofficial hiatus sort of because of school, it's my final year so everything is getting serious now. This chapter was un-betaed just so you know. Anyway, enjoy :)

Panic fills her for a moment as she wakes to an empty bed, warmth still lingering in the sheets beside her as she reaches out. Heart pounding in her chest, she bolts up into a sitting position scanning her eyes over the room before the door off to the side slides back. A relieved breath escapes her as she realises he was just in the bathroom. She tries to calm her rapidly  increasing heart rate but her efforts don’t seem to be very effective. He gives her a small smile as he walks out before a frown knits his brow as he moves over to her.

“Hey,” he says softly, holding his hand out to her as he sits himself on the bed just beside her legs. “It’s ok, I’m here,” he tells her as she takes his hand allowing him to pull her into his chest, providing a comforting warmth around her. “I’m not going anywhere, I’m not leaving you.”

A deep shuddery breath runs through her as he rubs her back soothingly, resting his cheek against the top of her hair. After a moment, she feels slightly calmer with the harsh edge of panic within her now smoothed down a little. With just the sound of their breathing and Phil's steady heartbeat beneath her ear it seems almost deafening when her stomach rumbles reminding her that she hasn't eaten in awhile. The vibrations of Phil's chest travel through her as he lets out a chuckle.

“Shall I get us some food?” He asks running a hand through her hair gently.

Lifting her head up to look at him she contemplates his question. Her stomach is hungry and she knows she needs to eat, but she doesn't want Phil to go because that means that she will be left all alone and she doesn't think that she can cope with that just yet. It makes her feel a little stupid and she doesn't want to be needy and irritate him, but part of her just wants to be comforted and protected. Everything is just still so raw. Her stomach rumbles again and Phil squeezes his arm wrapped around her shoulder gently, silently prompting her for a response.

“Can I come with you?” She finally says in a quiet voice.  

He is stunned for a moment, surprised by her request.

“Are you sure?” He asks her carefully.

The last thing he wants is for something terrible to happen to her and he'd blame himself if something happened that might trigger a terrible episode for her.

She nods the affirmative as she carefully twines her fingers with his, holding on to him like he is her anchor.

“Ok,” he says simply trying not to make a big deal out of it for her.

Rising up from the bed with her hand still firmly wrapped up in his own, she follows his lead tugging on shoes and allows him to guide her to the door. Glancing back at her carefully, he then opens the door and they step into the hallway.

It's quiet, with similar rooms like hers set up along the corridor. Walking along together hand in hand, all that can be heard is the sound of their footsteps echoing on the hard floors, his heavier ones and her almost silent ones. They wind their way through the hallways and soon the relative quiet surrounding them gradually grows into the sounds of agents busily bustling around the base. He feels Melinda press closer into his side as they pass by a couple of agents who throw wide eyed and curious glances in their direction. Shooting them a stern look in response, they quickly avert their eyes attempting to look anywhere but at he and May.

“You ok?” He asks Melinda quietly, concern evident in his voice as he tilts his head to look at her.

With her head bowed down her hair drapes forward obscuring her face from view. Self consciously, she tugs at the edge of the sleeve on her left arm trying to make herself as inconspicuous as possible.

“Melinda?” He asks waiting patiently for some sort of a response.

Nodding her head ever so slightly, he takes it as the only confirmation that he will likely be getting and continues to lead her towards the kitchen.

Her whole body stiffens beside him as a large group of agents dressed in black tactical suits approach them, many of them armed and staring at the both of them with shocked expressions. Once they pass he is dimly aware of the ache in his hand holding hers, now realising that her grip on him had tightened exponentially as the agents passed. Only now that she had released him was the blood able to return to his pale appendage, bringing with it a dull ache.

“We're fine,” he confirms, reminding her that they are safe here, “I got you.”

By the time they reach the kitchen he is pretty much sure that now every agent on the base is aware of May's presence and… the changes that she's undergone. He is relieved however - and he is sure that Melinda is too- to find the kitchen and common area empty.

“Any requests?” He asks her as he begins to look through the fridge and pantry to see what foods they have.  

Melinda shrugs noncommittally, unsure of what the choices are as she slips onto one of the stools by the counter.

“Alrighty then,” Phil carries on unphased by her silence as he makes an effort to try and make her feels as comfortable as possible, “I hope you feel like pancakes.”

He turns to her with a grin which she responds to with a small shy smile of her own. Strangely, it doesn't feel weird for her to be watching him make pancakes and to smile back at him when he grins at her in that endearing, adorable way of his. Considering what she's been doing for the last few months, eating pancakes is not what she would have expected of today. Crossing off a wanted target, sabotaging an enemy's plans, those are things she might have expected. Pancakes? No. It's nice though she thinks, because despite what she might've been doing before and even what she might've been doing before that, right now her life is her own. She doesn't have a handler screaming Russian words at her. She doesn't have some crazed scientist running electricity through her body. She doesn't have to kill. She doesn't have to do anything. She can just be.

A tear slips down her cheek as Phil slides a pancake on a plate across the counter to her. It's like the dam of her emotions, the walls surrounding her have shattered and now everything is hitting her all at once. Why Phil sliding her a pancake triggers it is beyond her, but now that the seal is broken the flood can't be stopped. It's the first time that she's realised that she is her own person under her own control and the thought is breathtaking. In some ways she feels overwhelmed, almost as if it may all be a lie, but another part of her is screaming, crying, mourning the fact that she had even lost her free will at all. A deep roiling rage surges up within her and she wants to make those bastards pay for what they did to her. They broke her, ruined her. They took from her the very essence of who she was, they stripped her of her identity, her humanity. She so desperately wants to make them pay even though she knows that it won't bring back all that they stole from her. They deserve it.

A sob escapes her and Phil is by her side in a moment, wiping the tears from her cheeks and tucking her protectively into his chest, surrounding her with his reassuring warmth as she cries a wet patch into his shoulder not for the first time today. She's not used to being so emotional, but it feels good to just cry it all out, all her pain and anger, fear and sadness. It's all the emotions that she could not express before, finally spilling free and providing her with some sort of heart wrenching yet oddly cathartic emotional release. It's a beneficial hurt. The pain before the healing.

“Let it out,” Phil's says softly, fingers running through her hair soothingly.  

After what feels like an age but could have really been only a matter of minutes, her tears and sobs gradually subside. When there are no tears left to be cried and no more pent up emotions to be released. She lets herself slump against him slightly, drained but freed.

“Thank you,” she whispers quietly, lips brushing the skin of his neck as she tucks herself into him.

Phil doesn't reply, just holds her a little tighter and presses a kiss to the top of her head.

For the first time, she feels like she might be home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you liked it. I'm not exactly sure where I am going with this right now but I feel like this story is gonna start wrapping itself up soon. We'll see...  
> Please drop a comment and share your thoughts.


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